Day 335

Wednesday 30th November 2016

At the beginning of the year I wasn’t very determined at all to lose weight.  I thought I would give it a go though

After a few weeks my determination levels began to rise when the weight started to fall. 

It wasn’t long before my determination levels hit maximum. I have maintained that level for a long time. I feel I have been very determined and motivated to succeed even when things got tough. 

But lately I feel that those levels are dropping. 

Tomorrow I start my 12th month which I think is some going, but I have a feeling that this 12th month is going to be one of the hardest. 

With Christmas nearly here and all the food that will be around at parties and evenings out along with all the extra food that always comes out this time of year, I feel all this is really going to test my determination. 

There is one thing going for me and that is that this year I have got myself into some really good habits. I can’t seem to stand the smell of anything sweet anymore, I don’t really like the smell of anything milky either. I just hope that will mean I can resist and not succumb to temptation.

My desperation to lose weight has also reduced as the weight has dropped which has caused my determination levels to lower.

With the fact I am writing all this today means I am conscious of it which hopefully means that I won’t let that determination lower anymore but maybe send that needle back in the other direction. 


Day 334

Tuesday 29th November 2016

I have been overweight all my life, even as a child. My parents wanted me to lose weight so they gave me incentives. 

Things like if you get down to a certain weight I will buy you a new outfit or I will give you a pound for every pound you lose, they even offered to take me somewhere special. 

All the incentives were really good – they really knew how to dangle that carrot. 

The trouble is carrots aren’t my favourite – perhaps they should have dangled chocolate!!  

But I don’t know why I never took their incentives. It must have been because it seemed too much like hard work. 

Today I got on the treadmill and ran for 30 minutes without stopping. I made a comment to my trainer saying that “I have seen people run for half an hour on the treadmill before and I always wondered how they could have the stamina to do it” 

The thing is, my trainer didn’t make me run for that long, it was me who wanted to carry on. I realised if he had asked me to run longer I wouldn’t have been happy but because I made the decision for myself I could do it. 

It made me think of that dangled carrot and I realised that the only person who could dangle it and make me do it -is me.

It’s like this year, anyone could have given me incentives to lose weight but none of them would have worked unless I came to the decision for myself. 

I am now making good decisions and listening to good advice. I am doing it now because I was ready to listen. If it was last year I would have thought everyone was nagging!

Day 333

Monday 28th November 2016

I think all children when growing up dream of making there parents proud. I know I always did. 

I do hear them say that they are proud of me all the time but I have never really believed it. I have never really thought I have done anything for anyone to be proud of. 

It was probably my low self esteem that made me think that way.

This year I have had so many people say that they are proud of me. My Mum and Dad have said it a lot too. This time though I believe them. 

But I have still struggled to be proud of myself. When I look in the mirror I don’t see myself looking any different from the way I have always looked. I used to look in the mirror and I saw myself as being thinner to what I really was. Now, though, I still see myself as I always have. It can mess with your mind a little. 

Yesterday, trying to lift 70lbs of granite  made me realise just how much weight I have lost.  

For the first time in forever I actually felt proud of myself. I think that must show how much I have changed and how much I am still changing this year. 

Day 332

Sunday 27th November 2016

Today my Dad and his wife Tracie came round for lunch, it meant I could give him a belated birthday present that I haven’t had the opportunity to do before now. 

My Dad turned 70 last month and one of the goals I set at the beginning of the year was to lose 70lbs for his birthday. I was very pleased I did it. I thought though that he needed a momento of what I did. 

I had arranged to get 70 pieces of granite cut, each weighing a pound. Once we got the granite we stuck them all together creating an ornament for his house. 

Once it was made it was so heavy I couldn’t even pick it up. 

It is the first time I actually realised how much I have lost. I couldn’t believe the weight of it. 

It was so heavy that I don’t know how I even got myself out of bed in the morning let alone walk about and carry it all day. I know what the weight of a pound is but carrying 70 altogether like that made me realise how much weight I actually lost. 

We wanted to have the granite in 1lb blocks so my Dad could see each pound. We layed it out in that way because over the year I have had so many emotional ups and downs. At one end the granite doesn’t touch the ground to show that the journey is continuing. 

So all in all that granite has an awful lot of meaning to it. I just hope I can keep it off and he doesn’t start giving pieces back. 

Day 331

Saturday 26th November 2016

Today I have had a day of reflection. Jenny has been at our house and given a nutrition talk to a few of my friends.

For me it was a day of looking back at where I have come from and how far I have come. 

Sometimes when I think back I can’t believe it’s me I am talking about. It’s like I have a real indepth knowledge about someone else, someone who just looks like me but a lot larger.

Sitting there reflecting back on the person I was has made me think – how did I ever get myself in that state? 

That larger version of me contained so many emotional problems that I have gradually been losing with every pound.

Looking back has made me see just how much I have changed. I saw people today who I haven’t seen for a long time and they noticed the change and not just the weight but with other things too. 

I feel like I am talking about someone else who I know very well because I am not that person anymore. I have changed so much from the person I was. 

Back then, losing weight was a dream, now it’s a memory. Now I am believing I can continue on this journey and lose more weight in the future.

Day 330

Friday 25th November 2016

Since Grant my eldest son passed his driving test on Tuesday. Matt and myself have had so much more free time. 

It feels really weird one of us not taking them to school. We still get up early to check they have everything before they go. 

At the beginning of this year when I first started the metabolic balance, breakfast was my worst meal of the day. 

Before this year I never had a cooked breakfast, in fact the thought of it made me feel sick. I always had cereal with plenty of sugar on. 

But now sugar just isn’t on the menu. The only sugars I can eat are natural sugars like the sugar in fruit – though I have to watch the amount I have. 

For the last few months I have been eating granola cereal with almond milk and since I started to have that I have enjoyed my breakfasts. I have found that I have had it most mornings since.

However it’s not good to have the same every day. Jenny has always said that I need to have a bit more variety. The thing is time, it’s not always convenient to cook a breakfast every morning. 

Since we are not doing the school run any more Matt and I are finding time to make a cooked breakfast. 

Considering I never liked having a cooked breakfast I am enjoying them. I think it’s because my cravings for sugar are gone now. 

What is really good is that it gives Matt and I some nice time together giving us a chance to talk and catch up on things. I do find that sometimes life gets in the way. So taking time to talk is always good. 

Day 329

Thursday 24th November 2016

It’s that time of year again when I need to start thinking about Christmas. Which means that I need to start doing my Christmas shopping.

I have always liked shopping but it’s so much easier shopping for yourself – at least I know I will like it!

But when it comes to shopping for other people, that’s a totally different ball game. It usually takes me 3 times as long and I get tired very quickly. 

There was one shop I noticed today and I made a comment to my Mum that I used to always shop in there. It was a plus size clothes shop. 

I then realised that not only did I always shop there, but earlier this year, as my weight started to come down, I struggled to stop shopping there. 

It was like my head was saying I still needed to be wearing plus size clothes, but my body didn’t fit them anymore. 

I have been a plus size most of my life. It was hard to change my thinking. I couldn’t believe that I could get into regular sized clothes. 

Today though, seeing that shop has made me think that I have stopped believing I need those clothes anymore. I have stopped thinking I am a plus size. 

I don’t know when the change came but I am glad because it has made me realise that I am becoming more ‘normal’ and I don’t see myself as being as large anymore.

Day 328

Wednesday 23rd November 2016

I am one of those people who always has a shower and very rarely has a bath. I think the last time I had a bath must have been about 5 years ago. 

I like having baths but for me it is usually quite an ordeal. One reason is because there just isn’t a bath big enough. 

I also find when I have a bath -I get in and the water gets out, causing more work drying the bathroom floor!

So I would fill up the water while I am in the bath. When I am in the bath I am so wedged in that I can’t move which means I can’t turn the taps off usually ending up with more water on the floor.

Once I have found a comfortable position the bath is nice even though I can’t move. 

Then comes the biggest ordeal of all -getting out the bath. Usually it would entail more water on the floor. So I got to a point of emptying the bath while I was still in it. 

However because I was so wedged in the water between me and the plug hole went down but the water furthest away from the plug hole didn’t!

Once the water was gone I then had to physically get out. Trying to get a 22 stone person out of the bath was so exhausting and it took me at least 5 minutes to do it. 

So that is why I always had showers. However, lately I have been having baths again. 

This time though I didn’t have any of the issues, I wasn’t wedged in like normal, there was in fact plenty of room to manoeuvre. I could reach the taps but most importantly I could get out with ease. The best part though that there was no water on the floor!

On reflection it was a bit sad the state I had got myself in which previously made doing simple things very difficult – I’m so glad I have changed. 

So all in all quite a pleasant experience. I think I might have more baths from now on. 

Day 327

Tuesday 22nd November 2016

I have achieved so many of my goals this year that I set at the start of the year. Climbing Snowdon was the last physical goal I completed. After I did it I felt that I needed to set more so I had something to aim for. 

One of the new goals was to run 3k before Christmas. Today I had my training and he asked me to do some running on the tread mill. He told me to stop at one point but I said no as I just wanted to keep running until I got to the 2 mile mark. 

After I was so happy with myself I was jumping for joy. I was that happy I could have ran it all again.

I know 2 mile doesn’t sound like much but to me it was a great achievement. This time last year I wouldn’t have ran 2 steps let alone 2 miles. 

I then realised that 2 miles is 3.2 kilometres which means I actually achieved one of my new goals.

After the run I wasn’t even tired – I felt I could have carried on. I was buzzing then for the rest of the day. 

My son was also jumping for joy as he passed his driving test, which has made Matt happy because my son can now do all the lifts!

So today we have a happier household than normal which is really nice to see. 

Day 326

Monday 21st November 2016

At the weekend I went to a worship event called “Big Church Live”. It was a really nice evening and great music. 

One of the songs had the words “a pocket full of faith”. It went on to say that with just a pocket full of faith you can do amazing things. 

I have to say that when I started this year I didn’t even have a pocket full of faith. It was more like a grain of faith and I think that is even an over exaggeration. 

I knew I wanted to lose weight and the thought of doing it sounded good. However I really didn’t believe I could do it. 

I have been on diets before and I have done really well but I got to the point where I wasn’t losing anymore weight. Then I went into a state of depression and the weight piled back on again. 

I felt I had tried everything to lose weight but nothing was working. I then believed that there was nothing I could do. 

So you can see why this time I didn’t really have much faith, I didn’t believe in myself enough that I could do it. 

There is a verse in the bible that says if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains. 

I have to admit that my faith started to grow as the weight started to fall. I began to believe in myself. I began to think that I could actually do this. 

Then the challenges come and the weight stops dropping – that is where the faith is tested. I am now at this stage where my faith and my belief in myself is being put to the test.

Now though I feel I have a pocket full of faith and not just a grain. Even though my weight is still not moving. I believe in myself an awful lot more than I did at the beginning of the year. 

If a grain of faith has got me this far I can’t wait to see what a pocket full can do.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st lbs. ⬅️➡️.      75lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. . 34.8kg⬇️total