Year 2 week 47

19th – 25th November 2017

I am still on my detox, I feel I have been doing quite well. I have started to get really bored with it now though. Partly because the weight has stopped coming off and partly because I am sick of salad.

My exercise has not been quite as good. I think at first I didn’t do too much because I was feeling weak. This week I have managed to up my exercise a little.

I have done something I never thought I would ever see myself do – I have joined a running club. My friend has been going to this club for a while and she has been asking me to go. I have always managed to find some excuse of why not to go so it ended up that she stopped asking me.

I just didn’t want to go – it was also at night which is the time when I relax. I also felt that I would be an embarrassment – not fit enough, and I felt I would always be at the back holding people up. I don’t know what came over me though because I asked my friend if I could go with her this week. I really didn’t want to go I just knew I needed to go.

After I asked her the nerves came over me but I still went. We did an hour of circuit training first and to my surprise I could keep up and I could do most of the things that we were supposed to do.

After that came the running and I have to say all my fears disappeared as I could keep up. They did these little challenges to make it more interesting that I liked. I really enjoyed myself

I didn’t feel embarrassed at all. Well that was until I was in the middle of one of the challenges and we were to run down a cul-de-sac as fast as we could and then run back up again.

On my way down though I tripped over a kerb. I was then heading straight for someone’s front garden fence and, I don’t know how I did it, but I hurdled it and then I was then face to face with a tree that unbelievably I managed to dodge only to be faced with another fence that I also hurdled. I think that all became too much for me because I then went splat in someone else driveway!

Because I was doing quite well and I wasn’t at the back meant I also had an audience. All these people came running to see how I was. Surprisingly though I was fine other than scrapes on my hands and knees.

Everyone was so nice. People who saw me said it was a very impressive fall and was amazed I stayed on my feet for so long. Others came up to me saying how on their first week they did the same thing. My fall, in someways, helped me get to know people and it has made me want to go next week.

One thing I have always told my kids is that sometimes in life there are things that we don’t want to do but when we do it, it can end up being quite rewarding and you never know you might even enjoy it. I think this week I have said that to myself .


Year 2 week 46

12th – 18th November 2017

This week I have thought a lot about trust.

I was at church last Sunday and in front of me was a man throwing his daughter up into the air and then catching her. The little girl was loving it and kept asking her dad to do it again.

It brought back some memories from my childhood because my dad use to do it to me to. I also remember loving it as much as that little girl seemed to.

It made me think on how much I must have trusted my father, I knew that every time he threw me up in the air I knew he would catch me. I don’t think it ever entered my head back then that there was a possibility that he could let me fall.

I also remember believing everything he taught me. I believed that you don’t just walk into the road without looking, I believed that doing homework was important, I believed not to accept a lift off a stranger. All of these truths helped to keep me safe.

I also believed things that weren’t quite so true like when he said we had a money tree in the bottom of the garden and if you looked carefully you could find some coins that have dropped off! I believed in Father Christmas, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny and all the other things parents usually tell their children.

As I grew up I found out that some of those things I was told by my parents weren’t true. I was disappointed but I remember thinking it made my childhood a little more magical and exciting and I have to say I ended telling my kids exactly the same fictional things.

It made me think that a child had no reason to doubt her father. A father is there to always catch you when you fall, he always loves you unconditionally, he is there for you no matter what.

Why is it that when you turn into an adult that trust fades ?. I know now that if my Dad could even throw me up into the air there is no way he would catch me – I would more than likely flatten him!!

I think the trust fades because you stop believing in yourself. I have always classed myself as a trustworthy person, if someone told me a secret I would always keep it – I have never thought it was my place to say. However when it comes to trusting myself I think I find it a little harder especially when there’s food about.

There are a group of ladies from our church who meet up once a fortnight and we have just started a course on our identity in Christ. Throughout this journey over the past 2 years that is one thing I have been addressing. I have found out who I am and who I want to be and learning that I am not here by accident and that God does have a plan for my life.

I think knowing who you are and the fact that you are loved is something I think we all need to keep telling ourselves. That’s why it is always good to be reminded that your father is there to catch you no matter what. I just think I need to be as trusting as a child and then I might enjoy the journey a bit more.

Year 2 week 44

29th October- 4th November 2017

One thing I have really struggled this year with has been motivation.

I think it’s because I achieved one of my main goals this year. One of my goals was to have enough energy to keep up with my kids. My kids are typical kids and have heaps of energy. 

Before I started this journey I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without being out of breath. 16 months later I did a half marathon! 

For me doing that half marathon in Rwanda was so amazing. It was something that I never thought I could ever do. I was so overwhelmed at the time that I did it. That to me that was my ultimate goal. I felt that there was nothing I could do any better than that. I felt that I had climbed the highest mountain and actually reached the top. 

Since then it has been hard staying motivated. The trouble with reaching your goal is that there is nothing left to aim for. Once you reach that point and you get to the top of your mountain there is only one place left to go and that’s DOWN. 

Sometimes to go down can be fun. It means that there are no restrictions on your life. It’s like I can do anything and get away with it. However you do end up with a feeling of guilt that you have let things slip so bad. 

The getting away with it can only last so long. With falling there comes a point where you hit the ground. Hitting rock bottom can be very painful and usually at that point it’s very hard to see a way out of it. 

I feel that since Rwanda that is what I have been doing – FALLING. In my mind though I didn’t want to fall I feel I protected myself from the impact – it’s like I put on my parachute so when I hit the ground it wasn’t so painful. 

This month I have set myself new goals.  I have hit the ground now but I have decided to turn around and start climbing that mountain again. 

I have decided that for the month of November I am going to concentrate on my eating again. I have already had a carb free 4 days and lost a few pounds too. I would like to continue my healthy eating throughout this month and hopefully it will give me the boost I need to continue after. 

I have also signed up for another half marathon – this time in Kenya. It’s in June of next year. I will be raising money again for the charity Compassion UK.

I think for me the fact I am doing it again isn’t quite as significant as before. What it does do though is help me to keep active, gives me something to focus on and I get to help some needy children in Africa in the process. 

I came back from doing my last half marathon thinking I would never do one again. My fitness levels have depleted so much that I feel I have signed up without the ability to succeed. Knowing this is coming hopefully will get me motivated to train.

After June next year, when I’ve completed my second half marathon, I’m hoping that I won’t fall like I did this year. Well that’s what I’m aiming for.

Day 324

Saturday 19th November 2016

We live in a house where there are a lot of trees in our garden. I love the trees but at this time of year they drop their leaves everywhere. 

For the last month or so I have watched the boys and Matt blowing them off the drive. I thought it looked like a fun job to do, so today I decided to have a go. 

I soon realised it wasn’t as much fun as it looked. The blower was really heavy to hold for so long, then the leaves would go in every direction except the way you wanted them to go. It didn’t take me too long to to get fed up. 

When I was finished Matt said ‘now look up’.  All I could see were the trees with loads more leaves that will drop off soon. 

It made me think that the job I had just done was useless because it will need doing all over again tomorrow. 

In some way this is how I think it’s like to be on a diet. It sounds a good thing to do at first, then you start and you find out it’s hard work. Then the weight stops going down and when you look up you realise you’ve got a lot more ahead of you.

I am at the stage where my weight just isn’t going down and realised that I still have a lot of work to do.  It’s like I’ve looked up and seen all those leaves on the trees which still need to be cleared. 

The thing is if Matt and the boys had left those leaves over the past month there would have been such a build up now and the job would have been worse. 

There is also a time when there will be no more leaves and they won’t have to do the job anymore but while your in it the job seems like it’s endless. 

I do feel like I am fighting a never ending battle but if I keep going I’ll get there in the end – I hope. 

Day 216

Wednesday 3rd August 2016

Today was a very confusing day. It was the first day back on the scales since my holiday. 

The last time I recorded my weight I had got very frustrated as it kept going up. When I left for my holiday I was 16st 11.2lbs / 106.7 kg as the holiday went on I went up to 16st 12.2lbs / 107.1kg. 

Today I was very nervous about getting on the scales but when I did I had a shock. It said 16st 5.3lbs/ 104 kg. I thought ‘no way there is something up, I couldn’t possibly have lost 6lbs / 3kg while I was away.’

Today I went to see Jenny. On the way I thought about how my weight has not come off too easy lately and that every pound has been a struggle. 

The only way I can describe it is that I am hanging off the side of a bridge holding on as tight as I can, there is only so long that I can hang there. Eventually I will have to fall.

That is what I feel my weight has been doing.

When I saw Jenny I told her that I think something was up with my scales because I didn’t believe that I had lost that much weight while I was away. So I got on her scales. 

To my disappointment I was right – my scales were wrong. But it wasn’t all bad because on Jenny’s scales I had still lost over 2lbs. 

I thought about this and I may not have dropped off that bridge but I have let go and I am falling. 

So I left very happy knowing that I have been away again and still lost weight. 

I have since sorted out the scales and they are working properly now so I should have a true weight tomorrow.