Year 2 week 4

22nd – 28th January 2017

Before I started this weight loss journey last year I did some research into having surgery. Things like the gastric band and the gastric sleeve. 

After some very intensive research I decided it wasn’t for me. One thing I realised with surgery like that is that for years after, until the weight comes off,  I would not have much of a life. I couldn’t see how I could only live on 5 bites of food a day!

The gastric band is reversible but the sleeve is not. So that is one reason I didn’t do it.  But probably the main reason is that weight problem for most tend to start in the head. Surgery would sort the body out but would not sort the head out. I needed to change my thinking, how I thought of myself and my whole approach to food and exercise. 

In some ways I think doing it naturally has been a struggle but a lot more rewarding than an operation could have given me. I have never had an operation before either. 

With losing a lot of weight this idea of doing it without an operation has come back to bite me. The one problem when you lose so much weight is the saggy skin that is left behind. 

Saggy skin is so much worse than being overweight. It itches, it holds in all the odours, you have a shower and 5 minutes later you smell again. You can feel it move with every step, it hurts when you run, it’s heavy and just hangs there and it gets in the way. At night it’s like lying on a creased up blanket that can’t be removed. I can’t express how uncomfortable it is. 

Before Christmas I had some consultations about getting the saggy skin removed. I made no decision – it was something I was just thinking of. 

It has come to a point now though that I have 2 choices: 1) get the skin removed or 2) put the weight back on again. In my eyes I have come too far to put the weight back on again. 

So getting it removed is the only option and Thursday was that day and by any means necessary.

I have to say with all the challenges I have faced on this journey this has been the toughest. 

I am not a person who would generally put myself forward to do something like that but I felt I had no choice. 

All those years I have spent abusing myself, not taking care of what I eat, thinking I wasn’t doing any harm – well now I am paying the consequences, I am learning the hard way. 

I only have myself to blame for this – no one force fed me. It would have been so much easier not getting myself in this mess to begin with but it’s done now. 

I have come to the conclusion that I would hate my kids to go through the same things I have. I think it is so important to teach your kids all about nutrition and what food does to your body  and not let them end up like me. 

The surgery went well and I have had some skin removed from my arms and some treatment on my back. I am very sore and bruised but generally recovering well.i think I will be recovering for some time. 

At least I can now look forward to a better ‘sag free’ future. 


Year 2 week 3

15th – 21st January 2017

This week has been so different from last week. Last week I was really struggling to stay focused this week it’s the total opposite. 

I don’t know why the sudden turn around.  I can only think it’s because I have been feeling a lot better and my cold has almost gone. 

Last week I said how I felt I was being pulled back. The thing with when you are pulled back is that it provides thrust so when you are realised you go so much faster. Like a bullet leaving a gun, not stopping until it hits its destination. 

That is how I feel this week – I have one destination and I won’t stop until I get there.

I have been quite good with my food and  I have been weighing it again. My exercise has seemed to go up a gear. 

I have done about an hour a day walking, running or in the gym. I have done this a lot last year but I never did any running. 

I would never have been able to run during the first part of last year. Knowing that I can now is great.  My fitness levels have risen so much. 

Comparing makes me think that if I carry on I can improve again in a relatively short space of time and I find that quite encouraging. 

Year 2 week 2

8th – 14th January 2017

This week has been a really bad week for me. I have had a bad cold and the first few days I was in bed. Then the cold seemed to clear and I felt a lot better except my ears were really blocked. 

I find when your ears are blocked it can send your balance out and it really did with me. I would try and walk down the corridor but I was going completely in the wrong direction. I couldn’t seem to correct it and go the right way. 

All week I have been hitting walls and cabinets and the room has done nothing but spin. It has taken me a lot longer to get to where I wanted to go. It’s like something is pulling me back. 

I feel that is how my motivation has gone too. I am struggling to stay on track. I want to head one way but there’s this voice in my head that says “your year is up you don’t have to do this anymore” and this is trying to make me go backwards. I am fighting against it – but to no avail sometimes. 

I am hoping it’s only because I have a cold and my motivation will come back when it’s gone. The cold has made me feel extremely hungry as well this week. 

I have managed to not eat between my meals and wait 5 hours till I can eat again.  But I think that my portion sizes have been a little larger than they should be. 

I have not been able to exercise all week either which has been very frustrating. I have wanted to exercise but didn’t feel I could. 

One thing this cold has taught me is that I need to start measuring my food again, to get my portion sizes back on track. I have stopped weighing my food for about 6 months. 

I think my portion size has generally been ok but I think to measure again would not hurt. It would be like starting from the beginning again. All I remember is being very motivated at the very beginning so hopefully by me weighing my food and being back in control of what I eat I will boost my motivation. 

I am also planning to up the exercise again. I am going to try and do at least 30 minutes everyday. Some days I already do an hour but exercising all the others days for at least 30 mins will hopefully get me back on track. 

Last year when I was writing my thoughts down everyday and sharing it on this blog helped me keep my goals at the forefront of my mind. I found it really helpful and I managed to focus on where I was heading better. 

This year, without me writing my thoughts down everyday, has seemed to make it harder for some reason. To write and draw a picture everyday for a year really did take a lot out of me. It did however stop me from thinking about food and made me think how I was to achieve my goals instead. 

To keep up that pace everyday is not sustainable for long – I am surprised how I managed it for a year!  I do need to find something else to keep me focused though. Maybe it will come in time. 

Year 2 week 1

1st- 7th January 2017

New Year’s Eve was great.  I felt I ended the year on such a high with so much achieved and overcome in that year. 

When January 1st came around the feeling was so different. I was looking at my year ahead with dread that I had to do it all again. Knowing the struggles I had last year all I could see was greater struggles this year that I have to face and get over. 

Last year I didn’t know the struggles I was going to face but I tackled them head on as they came about. This year, though, I can see a little more about the struggles I have ahead of me and I have to say I am not looking forward to the challenges I need to face. 

On the 2nd I woke up with a different attitude again. All I knew was that I need to seize the day. Not worry about tomorrow, not regret what I should have done yesterday but just do it NOW.

I have tried to abide by that concept all week. I have started my walking up again. But I hadn’t managed to do any running yet this year. I am wanting to go running outside because all I had done up until now was run on the treadmill. 

Last time I managed to run 5 miles I am now aiming for 6 but I find that there is one thing that is stopping me from running the 6 miles and that is the 6 inches between my ears. 

Those 6 inches have a lot to answer for and very often it stops me from achieving my goals. 

I have always found it so much easier to talk myself out of doing something than putting in the hard work and actually going for it. 

However today Matt has seen my lack of motivation and said we are going out for a run around the block rather than a walk. I think it was just what I needed because I don’t think I would have done it for myself. 

I said ok without even an argument. I think it was because I knew he was right. But I do think that he totally over estimated my ability. 

We went out and at first I struggled a little not with the physical side but with my breathing. We came to the first hill and I have to admit that I walked most of it. 

I knew that running on the road would be a lot more challenging than running on the treadmill.  I was expecting it to be hard but I did however run more than I did walk which was surprising. 

The second half of the run seemed to be easier I even managed to tackle the steep hill. I almost collapsed when I got to the top though.  

The run was 5k I must have ran about 3.5 of it. So for my first time out I finished quite happy with myself. 

I still think that Matt over estimated my ability but I really under estimated it too. The fact that Matt believed I could do more and encouraged me all the way made it easier in some way and I think that’s why I did better than I thought I would do. It just goes to show how much easier it is to run on a treadmill when compared to outside on the road with hills!

One thing I have had this week is extra time. It was taking me about 2 – 3 hours a day just to draw a picture and do my blog. Now I am a bit freer I am wanting to use my extra time wisely. 

However I find I have been totally wasting it. I am though having a little time to practice with my Christmas present. I got a stylus which is a pen that allows me to draw on my iPad (hence the different style of drawing today). 

But I do want to work hard and do something more worthwhile with the extra time I have.