Year 2 week 34

20th – 26th August 2017

One thing I have learnt on this journey is that losing weight isn’t just about dropping the pounds . It’s also about changing habits, changing your mindset and the way I  think. It’s about forgetting the way you have done things in the past and changing it for the better. 

For me it has also been a journey of self discovery. I think the first step was knowing I needed to change and the second was doing something about it. Losing all those bad habits and emotional issues I had lived with for years was a bonus. 

One thing I find though is that I have to keep re-evaluating. Sometimes I feel that some of those old thoughts and feelings are creeping back in. 

The only way I can describe it is like I am playing a game of chess, but I keep getting myself in check. I feel I have to always be one step ahead of the game to even attempt to overcome my opponent. 

It can be tiring re-evaluating all the time because one wrong move will end me up in check mate and that means it’s game over. 


I am finding 40 odd years of bad habits is hard to get rid of forever. This is why I am constantly re-evaluating my thoughts, my emotions, the way I think. 

Some weeks I find I do really well and I can keep it all at bay. But some weeks I have to admit I fail miserably.

I just feel I need to keep myself moving around that board. I feel I am in a never ending game of life and I just need to keep moving keep evaluating to succeed. 

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Year 2 week 32

6th – 12th August 2017

In some stages of my life I have suffered with depression. It has usually been when I have tried to lose weight and failed. 

Depression is something that comes on so gradually that you hardly notice you’re getting it. Once it has got hold of you it’s like  you still don’t notice that you have it – it’s the people around you that notice and they are the ones that suffer. 

For me, when I had it, I didn’t want to do anything. I would sit on the sofa all day and do nothing other than watch films. Jobs that needed to be done around the house just didn’t get done because I couldn’t be bothered. Any slight little issue that cropped up I just couldn’t deal with it, I would end up in tears not knowing how to sort it out. It usually meant that Matt sorted it out for me. My kids have learnt to become very domesticated, which is great now,  but I am sure at the time it wasn’t fair on them. 

This may sound really stupid but depression was a place, at the time, I think I was happy to be in while I was living it and I didn’t have the desire to leave. Thankfully, now I am not there anymore, I see it as a place I do not want to go back to. 

Over the last 18 months I feel I have found a remedy – it’s called exercise. If I think back some of my most happiest times is when I have been doing exercises. Training for my half marathon in Rwanda was one of the hardest things physically I have had to do, but mentally it was a release from all that negativity in my life. It also gave me purpose – something to aim for. 

We have been very lucky because we have room in our house for a gym. It is a place I have been a lot over the past 18 months. However over the past 2 months we have decided to renovate our house and our gym is no more. Well that is until the work is completed. 

I have not done too much exercise since coming back from Rwanda. Partly because we have been away a lot and partly because we have no gym.

I do like exercising outdoors but I like to go with other people. But the days I plan to go it always seems to be raining. 


Exercising in the rain is not much fun. I have never been a person who is really proactive when it comes to exercise so l struggle to go on my own – especially if it’s raining!

I have to admit that over the last few weeks I have been getting slightly down. It can only be the lack of exercise. This week though I have tried to be a bit more proactive and get myself back out there. 

I have managed to do a few bike rides and some walks. I have not started the running back up but I will soon. I have to say it’s worked and cheered me up no end. That’s probably because the weather has been nice as well. 

So I never thought I would ever say this but I can’t wait for the gym to be finished so I can start running again and not have to go out in the rain! 

Day 266

Thursday 22nd September 2016

Day 4 of detox was the worst day last time. It was the day I got the shakes really bad, my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t concentrate at all. I think I spent most of the day in bed because I couldn’t cope. 

At the time I was going through cold turkey on sugar and it was the final stages of the sugar leaving my system which is why it was the worst day. 

I was also ready to quit on day 4 last time. I had hit a brick wall and I couldn’t see a way through it. If I hadn’t have rang Jenny I think I would have quit.

Today is day 4 of detox again. Things are so different – quite frankly I have hardly noticed. No shakes, no erratic emotions my cold is even getting better.

There was a time a few weeks ago that I didn’t think my weight was ever going to move. Lately though, even before the detox, I have been losing weight constantly. This hasn’t happened for so long. I feel like I have had a real breakthrough.


5lbs in one week is some going considering I have been going for so long now. That is the type of weight loss you get in the beginning of a diet not 9 months in.  I just hope it continues 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 2lbs.       0.4lbs⬇️. .      73lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

102.5kg.         0.2kgs⬇️.        34kg⬇️total

Day 264

Tuesday 20th September 2016

Day 2 of detox – the last time I did this detox was January and on day 2 I had a major meltdown. I was 5 stone heavier and I didn’t come into it with a very healthy diet at the time. 

By the end of day 2 I was shaking really bad, I think I must have cried for the whole day and by the time the evening came I was ready to quit. 

This time things have improved greatly. Firstly I haven’t cried at all, I have had the energy to sort out the house, which is unheard of for me, and I didn’t get shaky either. I have coped a lot better than last time.

However it still hasn’t been easy. I have been really hungry, I have felt very light headed from time to time and I have a stinking cold which hasn’t helped at all. 

I have heard the saying ‘starve a fever feed a cold.’ I am doing completely the opposite and my emotions have been very up and down. By lunch time I had conked out completely 

Last time I had to shut the door on everyone and go to bed. Not so much this time, however, a lot of resting on the sofa has been necessary. 

The hard work is seeming to be worth it though as I lost a pound yesterday which is one step closer to my goal. 

Tomorrow I will be back on phase 2 which is similar to what I have been eating only I can’t use butter or oil. So that will be so much easier than the last few days. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 4lbs.    1lb⬇️.      71lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

103.4kg.     0.5kgs⬇️.   33.1kg⬇️total

Day 40

Tuesday 9th February 2016

Day 13 of detox

Today is day 40. It is said that if you do something for 40 days it becomes a habit. Hope that is true, time will tell I suppose.

It is also Shrove Tuesday which means tomorrow 40 days of lent starts, I don’t have anything left to give up for lent.

Jenny the nutritionist told me that she wanted me to carry on this phase for a bit longer. I felt the light at the end of the tunnel had gone out.

I got so upset, the end in sight was what was keeping me going. Don’t think I can do this any more.

As it was pancake day, the kids had pancakes for tea and because I was so emotional it got to me a little more than usual.

19st  13.8lbs.     0.2lbs⬇️.      19.2lbs⬇️total😣