Year 3 Week 20

14th – 20th May 2018

It really isn’t long now until I go to Kenya. It’s hard to believe that a month from now it will all be over and I will be looking for something else to focus on.

For months now my main focus has been training for this half marathon. I know it will be the second time of doing it but the training is still important.

I think the fact that I know I have done it before makes me believe that I can do it again. Last year that was one of my biggest fears – not knowing if I could do it or not.

I have been training now for over 6 months and some months I have been training almost everyday. Since January I have set myself goals that have been going very well. Infact they have been going so much better than I expected.

That is until this month. For May I have set the goal to up my mileage every week and by the end of the month hopefully I would have reached 10 or 11 miles.

Last week I managed to reach 9 miles which I was extremely happy about. However afterwards I was ill. My neck was burning and swelling up I got incredibly tired and I put on 5lbs over night. I generally felt really rotten and my emotions were all over the place. So I booked an appointment with my doctor. He suspects that I might have a thyroid disease which he can only prove with further blood tests. He also said it’s brought on by stress.

Fortunately, this week I went to see Jenny and a month ago I had a DNA health test with her and this week my results had arrived. I told her my issues and she said the way I was feeling made sense. This stress the doctors said though is not mental stress – it’s physical stress.

She said that the Thyroid contains something called T3 and T4. One keeps you going helping you do the things you need to do and the other helps to heal repair and level out things afterwards. She said the one to repair is not working which is why I instantly put on weight and why my emotions are going haywire and why I am generally tired all the time.

She also said that what I have been doing is basically sticking a plaster on a stab wound.

I have had a thyroid issue for years and I have always kept up on test checking that all is ok. My main focus throughout my training though has all been about strengthening my legs and sorting out any little ailments I may have, which I feel I have done.

What Jenny said has totally made me think and I realised that has been exactly what I have been doing – I have been putting that plaster over a stab wound. I have been too busy trying to make sure my legs can get me across that finish line that I forgot to look deeper to see what the real problem was.

It isn’t all bad news though as there is something that can be done about it apparently. I have done another 9 miles since and I was a little better than before. So it means that I can still go to Kenya. But I am actually starting to doubt whether I can complete the challenge. Whatever happens, I will keep trying.

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Year 3 week 19

7th – 13th May 2018

Sometimes in life you feel you can be doing things on your own. I very often think this.

It’s like I’m in my own personal little tug of war. A war against my emotions and I’m losing

my half marathon training has not been very easy for me and when I train on my own it is the hardest thing ever.

It’s so much easier when I have someone with me rather than being on my own.

The people I go with are all so much better runners than me. They go further distances and they can run nonstop. So, I am sure, when they are with me I am holding them back.

One of my friends ran the London marathon this year and this week she invited me to run with her. I said yes but when we turned up I realised that she had actually entered me into a 10k race.

I know I have done a half marathon before but I didn’t class it as a race because it was many different events not just a half marathon – I didn’t feel the pressure of finishing on time because I had marathon and ultra marathon runners coming in behind me.

So in my head what I did last week was my first race. It was no surprise to me that I came last. However my friend stayed with me the whole way. But we did it and I even got a medal!

Two days later I went with another friend and I wanted to do 8 miles. My challenge this month is to up my mileage by a mile every week gradually getting to 10 miles however we ended up doing 9 miles instead.

So that thought of me doing it alone is not true – I have so many people who are supporting me on this journey and without them I would never have got this far.

Doubling my fundraising target also shows me how much support I have.

So those times I feel like I am struggling and I am needing to try a bit harder, I am going to remember that I am not alone and there are people around me helping- helping pull that rope too

Year 3 week 7

12th – 18th February 2018

Sometimes I find it hard to remember how I use to be. I feel I have been going down this journey for so long now that I can’t believe how I was.

I do remember though that I let things get to me really easily – it didn’t seem to take much to tip me over the edge and for me to feel like I couldn’t cope. I think it must have been all that excess weight on my brain!!

To have a sudden change in my schedule or finding that I had extra things I had to do would cause me to have a mini meltdown and it usually resulted in Matt sorting me out.

Matt would on occasion have to go away on trips and that was always a particularly bad time emotionally for me and it would usually consist of me collapsing in a heap when he got back.

I have been wondering how I would cope now with all those things. Well this week it has really been put to the test.

Matt has been away this week leaving me with the kids at home. That always means I have to add a lot more to my schedule. I have been prepared for this one so I feel I have coped with it very well.

However this week I have had so many unexpected things fall on my lap, things that have also added to my schedule and giving me so much more to do.

It was also my birthday this week too so I got to go out a lot more.

So this week I don’t know if I am coming or going. I feel I have been pulled this way and then that way. My head is going through a whirlwind of emotions not knowing which way to go next.

If this was a couple of years ago I think I would have had a total meltdown by now.

This time though I have embraced it, got on with the job at hand and actually enjoyed the experience.

I have even managed to stay on schedule with my running/walking this month. I have now reached 31 miles only another 19 to go.

The only negative I am getting out of this is that I am a little more tired than normal but I can totally cope with that.

Year 2 week 34

20th – 26th August 2017

One thing I have learnt on this journey is that losing weight isn’t just about dropping the pounds . It’s also about changing habits, changing your mindset and the way I  think. It’s about forgetting the way you have done things in the past and changing it for the better. 

For me it has also been a journey of self discovery. I think the first step was knowing I needed to change and the second was doing something about it. Losing all those bad habits and emotional issues I had lived with for years was a bonus. 

One thing I find though is that I have to keep re-evaluating. Sometimes I feel that some of those old thoughts and feelings are creeping back in. 

The only way I can describe it is like I am playing a game of chess, but I keep getting myself in check. I feel I have to always be one step ahead of the game to even attempt to overcome my opponent. 

It can be tiring re-evaluating all the time because one wrong move will end me up in check mate and that means it’s game over. 


I am finding 40 odd years of bad habits is hard to get rid of forever. This is why I am constantly re-evaluating my thoughts, my emotions, the way I think. 

Some weeks I find I do really well and I can keep it all at bay. But some weeks I have to admit I fail miserably.

I just feel I need to keep myself moving around that board. I feel I am in a never ending game of life and I just need to keep moving keep evaluating to succeed. 

Year 2 week 32

6th – 12th August 2017

In some stages of my life I have suffered with depression. It has usually been when I have tried to lose weight and failed. 

Depression is something that comes on so gradually that you hardly notice you’re getting it. Once it has got hold of you it’s like  you still don’t notice that you have it – it’s the people around you that notice and they are the ones that suffer. 

For me, when I had it, I didn’t want to do anything. I would sit on the sofa all day and do nothing other than watch films. Jobs that needed to be done around the house just didn’t get done because I couldn’t be bothered. Any slight little issue that cropped up I just couldn’t deal with it, I would end up in tears not knowing how to sort it out. It usually meant that Matt sorted it out for me. My kids have learnt to become very domesticated, which is great now,  but I am sure at the time it wasn’t fair on them. 

This may sound really stupid but depression was a place, at the time, I think I was happy to be in while I was living it and I didn’t have the desire to leave. Thankfully, now I am not there anymore, I see it as a place I do not want to go back to. 

Over the last 18 months I feel I have found a remedy – it’s called exercise. If I think back some of my most happiest times is when I have been doing exercises. Training for my half marathon in Rwanda was one of the hardest things physically I have had to do, but mentally it was a release from all that negativity in my life. It also gave me purpose – something to aim for. 

We have been very lucky because we have room in our house for a gym. It is a place I have been a lot over the past 18 months. However over the past 2 months we have decided to renovate our house and our gym is no more. Well that is until the work is completed. 

I have not done too much exercise since coming back from Rwanda. Partly because we have been away a lot and partly because we have no gym.

I do like exercising outdoors but I like to go with other people. But the days I plan to go it always seems to be raining. 


Exercising in the rain is not much fun. I have never been a person who is really proactive when it comes to exercise so l struggle to go on my own – especially if it’s raining!

I have to admit that over the last few weeks I have been getting slightly down. It can only be the lack of exercise. This week though I have tried to be a bit more proactive and get myself back out there. 

I have managed to do a few bike rides and some walks. I have not started the running back up but I will soon. I have to say it’s worked and cheered me up no end. That’s probably because the weather has been nice as well. 

So I never thought I would ever say this but I can’t wait for the gym to be finished so I can start running again and not have to go out in the rain! 

Day 266

Thursday 22nd September 2016

Day 4 of detox was the worst day last time. It was the day I got the shakes really bad, my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t concentrate at all. I think I spent most of the day in bed because I couldn’t cope. 

At the time I was going through cold turkey on sugar and it was the final stages of the sugar leaving my system which is why it was the worst day. 

I was also ready to quit on day 4 last time. I had hit a brick wall and I couldn’t see a way through it. If I hadn’t have rang Jenny I think I would have quit.

Today is day 4 of detox again. Things are so different – quite frankly I have hardly noticed. No shakes, no erratic emotions my cold is even getting better.

There was a time a few weeks ago that I didn’t think my weight was ever going to move. Lately though, even before the detox, I have been losing weight constantly. This hasn’t happened for so long. I feel like I have had a real breakthrough.


5lbs in one week is some going considering I have been going for so long now. That is the type of weight loss you get in the beginning of a diet not 9 months in.  I just hope it continues 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 2lbs.       0.4lbs⬇️. .      73lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

102.5kg.         0.2kgs⬇️.        34kg⬇️total

Day 264

Tuesday 20th September 2016

Day 2 of detox – the last time I did this detox was January and on day 2 I had a major meltdown. I was 5 stone heavier and I didn’t come into it with a very healthy diet at the time. 

By the end of day 2 I was shaking really bad, I think I must have cried for the whole day and by the time the evening came I was ready to quit. 

This time things have improved greatly. Firstly I haven’t cried at all, I have had the energy to sort out the house, which is unheard of for me, and I didn’t get shaky either. I have coped a lot better than last time.

However it still hasn’t been easy. I have been really hungry, I have felt very light headed from time to time and I have a stinking cold which hasn’t helped at all. 

I have heard the saying ‘starve a fever feed a cold.’ I am doing completely the opposite and my emotions have been very up and down. By lunch time I had conked out completely 

Last time I had to shut the door on everyone and go to bed. Not so much this time, however, a lot of resting on the sofa has been necessary. 

The hard work is seeming to be worth it though as I lost a pound yesterday which is one step closer to my goal. 

Tomorrow I will be back on phase 2 which is similar to what I have been eating only I can’t use butter or oil. So that will be so much easier than the last few days. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 4lbs.    1lb⬇️.      71lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

103.4kg.     0.5kgs⬇️.   33.1kg⬇️total

Day 40

Tuesday 9th February 2016

Day 13 of detox

Today is day 40. It is said that if you do something for 40 days it becomes a habit. Hope that is true, time will tell I suppose.

It is also Shrove Tuesday which means tomorrow 40 days of lent starts, I don’t have anything left to give up for lent.

Jenny the nutritionist told me that she wanted me to carry on this phase for a bit longer. I felt the light at the end of the tunnel had gone out.

I got so upset, the end in sight was what was keeping me going. Don’t think I can do this any more.

As it was pancake day, the kids had pancakes for tea and because I was so emotional it got to me a little more than usual.

19st  13.8lbs.     0.2lbs⬇️.      19.2lbs⬇️total😣