Year 2 week 23

4th – 10th June

This week has been a much better week, I seem to have abolished my fears of last week and I have got my act together and done something about it. 

I had focused so much on my fear of going backwards that it didn’t give me much room to do something about it. 

This week I have been really focused on my food. I have tried to get it back under control. For me to get it under control has meant cutting out the carbs, eating healthy and going hungry. 

It has been a good reminder of what it was like for me a year ago. I have absolutely no idea how I did it for so long because this is really hard. Last year I got the shakes went through sugar withdrawals and I felt really hungry for a long time. Now all I am getting is the hunger but it’s a struggle.

I have tried to do some exercise too. I didn’t want to go so mad because of my energy levels and the lack of food. So I thought gentle exercise would be ok at this time. 

I have had a few appointments this week. So for my exercise I decided to walk to my appointments rather than take the car. 

Leaving the car is something I have never done. I take my car everywhere. Walking on my own is also something I have never done. For me to exercise I have always needed the motivation of someone being there with me. 

To be self motivated is a big step up for me. For me to feel that I can go out by myself and not rely on other people is great. I just hope I can continue it because it means I can go out for a run, walk at my own convenience rather than waiting for people to be available. I do find going with others is more fun but now I have the option. 

To you this may sound silly, people exercise on their own all the time. To me though it’s not. I have always wanted to be self motivated to do it alone but there was always something holding me back. It was usually the sofa, the TV or even my bed – they always seemed so much more appealing. 

When you have to meet someone it’s easier because I would never want to let them down so I would always turn up whether I wanted to or not. 

So I’m going to try and do things on my own a bit more now. 


Year 2 week 6

4th – 11th February 2017

I find in life that you can live a lot of contradictions. For instance I find myself a lot having to shout at the kids to be quiet. 

I have to shout sometimes though just to be heard. 

I have also found that much of what I have learnt about nutrition is a contradiction to what is normally taught.  Like having butter and oil instead of low fat alternatives. 

Apparently fat burns fat, so by using the proper butter and oil in its natural state is so much better for you than low fat products because of all the preservatives used in them. 

Since my operation I find I am living another contradiction. I spent all of last year losing weight, doing lots of exercise and generally getting physically stronger in myself. The operation was to get rid of the excess skin that was left behind. 

However I find that since the operation I have needed to rest. I have not been on any walks, I have not been for a run, I have done no exercise at all. I am finding that against my will I am getting lazy because I can’t really do much. I can’t even pick up anything heavier than a cup of tea. 

I am finding it fairly frustrating. Going from being very active to not active at all is taking its toll. 

I have not changed my eating habits but I feel like I am putting on weight. I can’t tell at the minute because the swelling I have got since the operation doesn’t give me a true reading of my weight. It is just my own opinion. 

I did talk to Jenny about it and she has told me not to worry. She also reminded me of when I first went on the detox and that I couldn’t exercise for a few months and I still lost weight. She said it’s like that for me again now. 

It doesn’t stop me worrying that I am putting on weight even though I am trying my hardest to lose it. 

Living a contradiction isn’t always the easiest thing to do but I have no choice and it will have to end at some point. 

Year 2 week 1

1st- 7th January 2017

New Year’s Eve was great.  I felt I ended the year on such a high with so much achieved and overcome in that year. 

When January 1st came around the feeling was so different. I was looking at my year ahead with dread that I had to do it all again. Knowing the struggles I had last year all I could see was greater struggles this year that I have to face and get over. 

Last year I didn’t know the struggles I was going to face but I tackled them head on as they came about. This year, though, I can see a little more about the struggles I have ahead of me and I have to say I am not looking forward to the challenges I need to face. 

On the 2nd I woke up with a different attitude again. All I knew was that I need to seize the day. Not worry about tomorrow, not regret what I should have done yesterday but just do it NOW.

I have tried to abide by that concept all week. I have started my walking up again. But I hadn’t managed to do any running yet this year. I am wanting to go running outside because all I had done up until now was run on the treadmill. 

Last time I managed to run 5 miles I am now aiming for 6 but I find that there is one thing that is stopping me from running the 6 miles and that is the 6 inches between my ears. 

Those 6 inches have a lot to answer for and very often it stops me from achieving my goals. 

I have always found it so much easier to talk myself out of doing something than putting in the hard work and actually going for it. 

However today Matt has seen my lack of motivation and said we are going out for a run around the block rather than a walk. I think it was just what I needed because I don’t think I would have done it for myself. 

I said ok without even an argument. I think it was because I knew he was right. But I do think that he totally over estimated my ability. 

We went out and at first I struggled a little not with the physical side but with my breathing. We came to the first hill and I have to admit that I walked most of it. 

I knew that running on the road would be a lot more challenging than running on the treadmill.  I was expecting it to be hard but I did however run more than I did walk which was surprising. 

The second half of the run seemed to be easier I even managed to tackle the steep hill. I almost collapsed when I got to the top though.  

The run was 5k I must have ran about 3.5 of it. So for my first time out I finished quite happy with myself. 

I still think that Matt over estimated my ability but I really under estimated it too. The fact that Matt believed I could do more and encouraged me all the way made it easier in some way and I think that’s why I did better than I thought I would do. It just goes to show how much easier it is to run on a treadmill when compared to outside on the road with hills!

One thing I have had this week is extra time. It was taking me about 2 – 3 hours a day just to draw a picture and do my blog. Now I am a bit freer I am wanting to use my extra time wisely. 

However I find I have been totally wasting it. I am though having a little time to practice with my Christmas present. I got a stylus which is a pen that allows me to draw on my iPad (hence the different style of drawing today). 

But I do want to work hard and do something more worthwhile with the extra time I have. 

Day 245

Thursday 1st September 2016

I woke up this morning feeling a lot more tired than normal. It’s not surprising though after my climb up Snowdon yesterday. 

Yesterday I felt I coped OK with the climb.  I struggled a lot on the last half hour of the climb though. Matt helped and encouraged me every step of the way I would never have finished the climb without him. I was in pain with every step but I am very proud of myself that I did it.

When it was then time to come down we did opt to get the train but at the last minute I said no because I felt it was a cop-out. I know my aim was to climb Snowdon but if I didn’t go down as well I felt it was like I had failed. So I didn’t get on the train. 

The walk down was still tough because by this time my legs were aching really bad. The trickiest part was the top which was steeper and had lots of loose rock. I found myself slipping on a few occasions.

It was really tough about an half an hour from the end. It was only a slight down hill and the track at this point was so much better. But my legs were hurting so much. 

I went down without stopping – I had to or I felt I would never get moving again. Matt and Dec (my son) had to go back another way to get the car and I knew they were waiting.

There was one point when Jake, my youngest, asked me a question after already asking it about 50 times and I lost it totally. 

Grant my eldest though was brilliant – he played Bob Marley’s ‘Don’t worry about a thing’ on his phone. I have to say it boasted me on no end. 

Towards the end I was beginning to lose the will to live, I was feeling a failure because I was going so slow. All I knew was that walking was the only way down and, no matter how slow, unless I carried on I was going to be stuck there all night. 

Grant was brilliant – he helped me every step of the way. He was a great encourager. When I felt a failure 20 minutes before the end he said “look at what you have done. Look at what you have achieved even now, when you want to quit, you are still moving” I couldn’t have got down without him. 

Now though I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. I am aching but I have been walking about a fair bit today. 

My feet however are swollen – I can’t squeeze into my shoes any more and I have lots of blisters. 

I have always hated putting my feet on the cold kitchen floor but today it has been a God send. 

Ok, so I have got swollen blistered feet, but today I feel immensely proud of myself. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 7.8lbs.    0.4lbs⬇️.       67.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.1kg.            0.2kg⬇️. . 31.6kg⬇️total

Day 244

Wednesday 31st August 2016

This morning we got up at the crack of dawn to do the impossible. 

I have found this year I have accomplished so much more than I could ever have imagined. For me getting healthy and losing weight has helped me do things that I never thought were ever achievable. 

When I started losing weight this year I set some goals, small goals that are easy to achieve and then some larger goals. Some of my larger goals were to lose 70lb by October and to climb Snowdon. 

When I set those goals they were so far away. I have only a few lbs to go until I hit 70lbs. But when I set the goal to climb Snowdon, well that was mission impossible. There would need to be a miracle for me to achieve it.

Today I have proved that miracles do happen and there is no such thing as impossible. 

We attempted to climb Snowdon – Matt, myself and the kids. We didn’t even do the easy route, we did a route called the Pyg Trail. It was the most picturesque but there was some climbing involved. The route was challenging but I did it – I actually got to the top.

I couldn’t help but cry. I don’t know though if I cried because I was so overwhelmed for doing it or because I was in so much pain. 

While at top we opted to walk the easier route down. I was dreading the walk down as I find it harder for some reason. I thought that with the route we came up I wasn’t going to get down it, that’s why I went the easy way. 

It however was far from easy. It took me a while but I got down. I don’t think I can walk another step now though for a long time. However I am very happy because I did 30,000 steps by the time I finished.

I had to break a few rules when it came to my eating. I had to eat small amounts regularly rather than 3 meals with nothing for the 5 hours in between . If I hadn’t have done that I would never have had enough energy to finish. 

Now I believe that all things are possible 

No weigh in

Day 233

Saturday 20th August 2016

This morning I woke up and I thought it was about time I went for another walk. I haven’t been on one for a few days because I have been so tired.  I feel now that I have my energy back and I am not as tired as I have been. 

There was only one thing stopping me from going for a walk and that was the weather. I like to walk when it is nice and sunny – it takes an awful lot more commitment to go when it is windy and rainy. 

However, we did with umbrella in hand.  I found while I was walking that sometimes I couldn’t see. It was so windy that my hair would blow right in my face obscuring my vision. 

We kept on walking but as I turned the corner the wind was then blowing at me from a different direction. The wind then hit me directly in my face causing my umbrella to turn back the right way and my hair to blow out of my face 

It made things so much easier with my vision. I could now see so much clearer, however, with the wind against me, it made my walk harder. It’s all about the perspective of how you see things. 

It got me thinking that it was like my life. I have for years gone down the path that is easier to walk and let the circumstances of life obscure my vision. When I turned the corner however I could see things more clearly but to make that change is a harder step. 

I am so glad that I can now see clearly and  persevered with each harder step because after a while things become so much easier and I can now just enjoy the wind in my face. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 8lbs.      0.4lbs⬇️.   67lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.2kg.       0.2kg⬇️.       31.8kg⬇️total

Day 228

Monday 15th August 2016

This morning I woke half expecting to be in pain from my bike ride yesterday. I thought that I would be so stiff that I wouldn’t be able to walk or I would really struggle. 

However, when I woke up I had no pain anywhere – I was not stiff at all. I needed no help whatsoever. 

I have had a bad shoulder for a long time and usually when I cycle it hurts for a few days afterwards but not this time. 

I have noticed though that the more exercise I do the more I am putting on weight. This is not really worrying me at all because eventhough the scales are going up I feel thinner so I must be putting on muscle. 

But I am sure that the scales will come back down soon because I know I am not putting on weight by what I eat.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 8.4lbs.     0.6lbs⬆️.     66.6lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.4kg.        0.3kg⬆️.      31.9kg⬇️total

Day 148

Friday 27th May 2016

I can’t believe that it is now Friday and I haven’t been on one of my regular walks at all this week. 

I was so busy before I left for London that I just didn’t have the time. . Now I am in London though I have totally made up for it.

I always find that when you are in a big city the best way to get around is on foot. Over the last few days that is exactly what I have done. 

It feels like I have walked more in the last few days than I usually do in a week. But when you are in London you have to explore.

No weigh in

Day 97

Wednesday 6th April 2016

There was a trip today which most people went on. I however couldn’t go as there was a weight limit. It was slightly annoying. However I had a really good day. 

The last time I was in a hot country and I went for a walk was Christmas before I started dieting.  I went with my Dad and Tracie (his wife) and I overheated really quickly. I got very out of breath. To say I didn’t go well is an understatement. 

Today I went for another walk with my Dad and Tracie. There was a fort in the distance high on a hill that we decided to walk to. 

I thought I would overheat like I did last time, but that didn’t happen. I thought I might even struggle with the hills, but that didn’t happen either. I even beat them both up the hill which was quite shocking. My Dad was more worn out than me!  I didn’t even get out of breath and the view was amazing. 

Apparently the walk was tougher than the one at Christmas and it was also hotter. I however didn’t think that at all. 

In 3 months I am quite amazed by how much fitter I have become. All those walks at home have paid off.


Day 75

Tuesday 15th March 2016

Went for another walk again, we didn’t have to much time as there were people due round in 25 minutes. So we did the shorter block, I don’t think I have ever walked so quick in my life. We made it back in time!

The rest of the day though I was so tired. I think I have overdone it over the last few days

18st 11.7lbs.   0.4lbs⬇️.   35.3 lbs⬇️total