Year 3 week 11

12th – 18th March 2018

This week has been a really busy week for me. It has been a week of conferences. I don’t very often go to a conference so to have 2 in one week each going on for several days is really unusual.

It has meant that I have not done much exercise this week. However it has meant I have done an awful lot of walking. I think I must have walked 10 miles at least getting to the conferences and walking around the nearby towns.

One of the conferences has been in Manchester and the other was in Kuala Lumpur. Which also meant an awful lot of travel too.

The cold weather has been getting me down so I was really looking forward to changing my boots for my flip flops.

I really wasn’t looking forward to all that traveling though. One thing I was really hoping for, going to a warmer climate, was that my eating would improve.

I have to say there was a noticeable difference. I think it must have been the weather. Before I left I was finding I was eating a lot more hot food but while in Kuala Lumpur I was eating a lot less and choosing healthier foods most of the time.

I just didn’t fell like eating much, I didn’t pick between my meals and my portion sizes were a lot smaller too.

I have always thought that the colder weather makes you want to eat more and I feel that those few days away has proved it. The only trouble is that I am now back to the cold and snow again – I just need to try harder to carry on the good habits I made while I was away.


Year 3 week 7

12th – 18th February 2018

Sometimes I find it hard to remember how I use to be. I feel I have been going down this journey for so long now that I can’t believe how I was.

I do remember though that I let things get to me really easily – it didn’t seem to take much to tip me over the edge and for me to feel like I couldn’t cope. I think it must have been all that excess weight on my brain!!

To have a sudden change in my schedule or finding that I had extra things I had to do would cause me to have a mini meltdown and it usually resulted in Matt sorting me out.

Matt would on occasion have to go away on trips and that was always a particularly bad time emotionally for me and it would usually consist of me collapsing in a heap when he got back.

I have been wondering how I would cope now with all those things. Well this week it has really been put to the test.

Matt has been away this week leaving me with the kids at home. That always means I have to add a lot more to my schedule. I have been prepared for this one so I feel I have coped with it very well.

However this week I have had so many unexpected things fall on my lap, things that have also added to my schedule and giving me so much more to do.

It was also my birthday this week too so I got to go out a lot more.

So this week I don’t know if I am coming or going. I feel I have been pulled this way and then that way. My head is going through a whirlwind of emotions not knowing which way to go next.

If this was a couple of years ago I think I would have had a total meltdown by now.

This time though I have embraced it, got on with the job at hand and actually enjoyed the experience.

I have even managed to stay on schedule with my running/walking this month. I have now reached 31 miles only another 19 to go.

The only negative I am getting out of this is that I am a little more tired than normal but I can totally cope with that.

Year 3 week 6

5th – 11th February 2017

This week I have really put in a few miles. I have managed to run/walk 16 miles so far this month which I feel is a great start to my total of 50 miles by the end of the month.

My knees are feeling really good – it seems the more I run the stronger they get. That’s how I feel after the run but during it is a totally different story.

I run outside but I also do some on my treadmill. On my treadmill I can do so much better than outside. It seems I can go faster, I can keep up the same pace throughout and I feel good while doing it.

When I go outside for a run I seem to be in pain with every step. My knees seem to creak, I am so much slower too and I can’t seem to warm up.

The weather has been so cold lately that when I run outside I feel like my joints are like a block of ice and I have icicles hanging off the end of my nose.

When I get back it seems to take me all day to thaw out. Even though I have run more this month it has left me a little disheartened.

Then I got to thinking of last year and how did I train for my half marathon in May and why couldn’t I remember it being so cold. I remembered that last year for me to run I had to have an operation to remove the saggy skin from my arms. It would flap against my body causing problems when running which meant it had to go.

This time last year I was still in recovery I was practically bed bound, I couldn’t pick up anything heavy and exercise was definitely a no go.

Remembering this means I am not so disheartened anymore. In fact I have found it quite encouraging. It means I am so much further ahead than what I was last year and I have so much more time to train for it too.

Last year after I recovered from my op I only had 6 weeks to train. This year I have 6 months so I have no reason to feel disheartened but every reason to feel encouraged.

So now I get why I can’t remember the cold. I am just looking forward to some warmer weather.

Year 3 week 5

29th January – 4th February 2018

My swimming challenge is now over and I have now started my running challenge. This week I have really put in a few miles.

When I go for a run I can’t seem to run it all I have to walk some of it, I can’t seem to keep up the same pace throughout. This month that is something I am trying to work on.

When I went to Rwanda to do the half marathon last year. I met all the other people doing the challenges too. One of the guys would always refer to us as athletes. Every time it was mentioned I would laugh because in my head that was the last thing I was.

I have to admit that I don’t look like your typical athlete. Even though I have been on this weight loss journey for over 2 years I still have an awful lot of weight to lose.

A typical athlete to me is someone super fit, super thin, has energy in abundance, can run like it’s no effort at all, wears all the cool matching gear.

Not someone like me, someone who struggles with every step, someone who would love to have the matching outfits but they don’t make them in your size, someone who is likely to damage there knees with all that weight pounding on top of it and someone who is so tired afterwards that I am not fit to do anything else.

I have been running again now for a few weeks. My knees have been fine. After one run though they were so sore that I thought I might have overdone it. The next time I went running though they were fine

Sometimes I think to myself “why am I doing this?” I am overweight, I am not your typical runner, why am I putting myself through this torture?

One thing I have found on this journey is that keeping the weight off is so much harder than getting the weight off. I feel I have to do this otherwise that weight will be piling back on again.

My motivation isn’t the best so this trip to Kenya to do another half marathon is helping with that.

To do something for a good cause is all the motivation I need. Knowing that I am going there to help vulnerable children and help provide solar lamps to provide light and electricity to homes that need it. Things that we take for granted in our everyday lives.

Knowing that I’m helping in some small way makes the pain worth it and makes me think “who cares if I’m not your typical athlete.”

If you feel you would like to help those kids in Kenya too then click on the link.

Year 2 week 23

4th – 10th June

This week has been a much better week, I seem to have abolished my fears of last week and I have got my act together and done something about it. 

I had focused so much on my fear of going backwards that it didn’t give me much room to do something about it. 

This week I have been really focused on my food. I have tried to get it back under control. For me to get it under control has meant cutting out the carbs, eating healthy and going hungry. 

It has been a good reminder of what it was like for me a year ago. I have absolutely no idea how I did it for so long because this is really hard. Last year I got the shakes went through sugar withdrawals and I felt really hungry for a long time. Now all I am getting is the hunger but it’s a struggle.

I have tried to do some exercise too. I didn’t want to go so mad because of my energy levels and the lack of food. So I thought gentle exercise would be ok at this time. 

I have had a few appointments this week. So for my exercise I decided to walk to my appointments rather than take the car. 

Leaving the car is something I have never done. I take my car everywhere. Walking on my own is also something I have never done. For me to exercise I have always needed the motivation of someone being there with me. 

To be self motivated is a big step up for me. For me to feel that I can go out by myself and not rely on other people is great. I just hope I can continue it because it means I can go out for a run, walk at my own convenience rather than waiting for people to be available. I do find going with others is more fun but now I have the option. 

To you this may sound silly, people exercise on their own all the time. To me though it’s not. I have always wanted to be self motivated to do it alone but there was always something holding me back. It was usually the sofa, the TV or even my bed – they always seemed so much more appealing. 

When you have to meet someone it’s easier because I would never want to let them down so I would always turn up whether I wanted to or not. 

So I’m going to try and do things on my own a bit more now. 

Year 2 week 6

4th – 11th February 2017

I find in life that you can live a lot of contradictions. For instance I find myself a lot having to shout at the kids to be quiet. 

I have to shout sometimes though just to be heard. 

I have also found that much of what I have learnt about nutrition is a contradiction to what is normally taught.  Like having butter and oil instead of low fat alternatives. 

Apparently fat burns fat, so by using the proper butter and oil in its natural state is so much better for you than low fat products because of all the preservatives used in them. 

Since my operation I find I am living another contradiction. I spent all of last year losing weight, doing lots of exercise and generally getting physically stronger in myself. The operation was to get rid of the excess skin that was left behind. 

However I find that since the operation I have needed to rest. I have not been on any walks, I have not been for a run, I have done no exercise at all. I am finding that against my will I am getting lazy because I can’t really do much. I can’t even pick up anything heavier than a cup of tea. 

I am finding it fairly frustrating. Going from being very active to not active at all is taking its toll. 

I have not changed my eating habits but I feel like I am putting on weight. I can’t tell at the minute because the swelling I have got since the operation doesn’t give me a true reading of my weight. It is just my own opinion. 

I did talk to Jenny about it and she has told me not to worry. She also reminded me of when I first went on the detox and that I couldn’t exercise for a few months and I still lost weight. She said it’s like that for me again now. 

It doesn’t stop me worrying that I am putting on weight even though I am trying my hardest to lose it. 

Living a contradiction isn’t always the easiest thing to do but I have no choice and it will have to end at some point. 

Year 2 week 1

1st- 7th January 2017

New Year’s Eve was great.  I felt I ended the year on such a high with so much achieved and overcome in that year. 

When January 1st came around the feeling was so different. I was looking at my year ahead with dread that I had to do it all again. Knowing the struggles I had last year all I could see was greater struggles this year that I have to face and get over. 

Last year I didn’t know the struggles I was going to face but I tackled them head on as they came about. This year, though, I can see a little more about the struggles I have ahead of me and I have to say I am not looking forward to the challenges I need to face. 

On the 2nd I woke up with a different attitude again. All I knew was that I need to seize the day. Not worry about tomorrow, not regret what I should have done yesterday but just do it NOW.

I have tried to abide by that concept all week. I have started my walking up again. But I hadn’t managed to do any running yet this year. I am wanting to go running outside because all I had done up until now was run on the treadmill. 

Last time I managed to run 5 miles I am now aiming for 6 but I find that there is one thing that is stopping me from running the 6 miles and that is the 6 inches between my ears. 

Those 6 inches have a lot to answer for and very often it stops me from achieving my goals. 

I have always found it so much easier to talk myself out of doing something than putting in the hard work and actually going for it. 

However today Matt has seen my lack of motivation and said we are going out for a run around the block rather than a walk. I think it was just what I needed because I don’t think I would have done it for myself. 

I said ok without even an argument. I think it was because I knew he was right. But I do think that he totally over estimated my ability. 

We went out and at first I struggled a little not with the physical side but with my breathing. We came to the first hill and I have to admit that I walked most of it. 

I knew that running on the road would be a lot more challenging than running on the treadmill.  I was expecting it to be hard but I did however run more than I did walk which was surprising. 

The second half of the run seemed to be easier I even managed to tackle the steep hill. I almost collapsed when I got to the top though.  

The run was 5k I must have ran about 3.5 of it. So for my first time out I finished quite happy with myself. 

I still think that Matt over estimated my ability but I really under estimated it too. The fact that Matt believed I could do more and encouraged me all the way made it easier in some way and I think that’s why I did better than I thought I would do. It just goes to show how much easier it is to run on a treadmill when compared to outside on the road with hills!

One thing I have had this week is extra time. It was taking me about 2 – 3 hours a day just to draw a picture and do my blog. Now I am a bit freer I am wanting to use my extra time wisely. 

However I find I have been totally wasting it. I am though having a little time to practice with my Christmas present. I got a stylus which is a pen that allows me to draw on my iPad (hence the different style of drawing today). 

But I do want to work hard and do something more worthwhile with the extra time I have. 

Day 245

Thursday 1st September 2016

I woke up this morning feeling a lot more tired than normal. It’s not surprising though after my climb up Snowdon yesterday. 

Yesterday I felt I coped OK with the climb.  I struggled a lot on the last half hour of the climb though. Matt helped and encouraged me every step of the way I would never have finished the climb without him. I was in pain with every step but I am very proud of myself that I did it.

When it was then time to come down we did opt to get the train but at the last minute I said no because I felt it was a cop-out. I know my aim was to climb Snowdon but if I didn’t go down as well I felt it was like I had failed. So I didn’t get on the train. 

The walk down was still tough because by this time my legs were aching really bad. The trickiest part was the top which was steeper and had lots of loose rock. I found myself slipping on a few occasions.

It was really tough about an half an hour from the end. It was only a slight down hill and the track at this point was so much better. But my legs were hurting so much. 

I went down without stopping – I had to or I felt I would never get moving again. Matt and Dec (my son) had to go back another way to get the car and I knew they were waiting.

There was one point when Jake, my youngest, asked me a question after already asking it about 50 times and I lost it totally. 

Grant my eldest though was brilliant – he played Bob Marley’s ‘Don’t worry about a thing’ on his phone. I have to say it boasted me on no end. 

Towards the end I was beginning to lose the will to live, I was feeling a failure because I was going so slow. All I knew was that walking was the only way down and, no matter how slow, unless I carried on I was going to be stuck there all night. 

Grant was brilliant – he helped me every step of the way. He was a great encourager. When I felt a failure 20 minutes before the end he said “look at what you have done. Look at what you have achieved even now, when you want to quit, you are still moving” I couldn’t have got down without him. 

Now though I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. I am aching but I have been walking about a fair bit today. 

My feet however are swollen – I can’t squeeze into my shoes any more and I have lots of blisters. 

I have always hated putting my feet on the cold kitchen floor but today it has been a God send. 

Ok, so I have got swollen blistered feet, but today I feel immensely proud of myself. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 7.8lbs.    0.4lbs⬇️.       67.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.1kg.            0.2kg⬇️. . 31.6kg⬇️total

Day 244

Wednesday 31st August 2016

This morning we got up at the crack of dawn to do the impossible. 

I have found this year I have accomplished so much more than I could ever have imagined. For me getting healthy and losing weight has helped me do things that I never thought were ever achievable. 

When I started losing weight this year I set some goals, small goals that are easy to achieve and then some larger goals. Some of my larger goals were to lose 70lb by October and to climb Snowdon. 

When I set those goals they were so far away. I have only a few lbs to go until I hit 70lbs. But when I set the goal to climb Snowdon, well that was mission impossible. There would need to be a miracle for me to achieve it.

Today I have proved that miracles do happen and there is no such thing as impossible. 

We attempted to climb Snowdon – Matt, myself and the kids. We didn’t even do the easy route, we did a route called the Pyg Trail. It was the most picturesque but there was some climbing involved. The route was challenging but I did it – I actually got to the top.

I couldn’t help but cry. I don’t know though if I cried because I was so overwhelmed for doing it or because I was in so much pain. 

While at top we opted to walk the easier route down. I was dreading the walk down as I find it harder for some reason. I thought that with the route we came up I wasn’t going to get down it, that’s why I went the easy way. 

It however was far from easy. It took me a while but I got down. I don’t think I can walk another step now though for a long time. However I am very happy because I did 30,000 steps by the time I finished.

I had to break a few rules when it came to my eating. I had to eat small amounts regularly rather than 3 meals with nothing for the 5 hours in between . If I hadn’t have done that I would never have had enough energy to finish. 

Now I believe that all things are possible 

No weigh in

Day 233

Saturday 20th August 2016

This morning I woke up and I thought it was about time I went for another walk. I haven’t been on one for a few days because I have been so tired.  I feel now that I have my energy back and I am not as tired as I have been. 

There was only one thing stopping me from going for a walk and that was the weather. I like to walk when it is nice and sunny – it takes an awful lot more commitment to go when it is windy and rainy. 

However, we did with umbrella in hand.  I found while I was walking that sometimes I couldn’t see. It was so windy that my hair would blow right in my face obscuring my vision. 

We kept on walking but as I turned the corner the wind was then blowing at me from a different direction. The wind then hit me directly in my face causing my umbrella to turn back the right way and my hair to blow out of my face 

It made things so much easier with my vision. I could now see so much clearer, however, with the wind against me, it made my walk harder. It’s all about the perspective of how you see things. 

It got me thinking that it was like my life. I have for years gone down the path that is easier to walk and let the circumstances of life obscure my vision. When I turned the corner however I could see things more clearly but to make that change is a harder step. 

I am so glad that I can now see clearly and  persevered with each harder step because after a while things become so much easier and I can now just enjoy the wind in my face. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 8lbs.      0.4lbs⬇️.   67lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.2kg.       0.2kg⬇️.       31.8kg⬇️total