Year 2 week 45

5th- 11th October 2017

Every time I try to lose weight I always do really well at first. The first few stone has always been very easy – it’s probably because I always start a diet with about 7 stone or more to lose!

After the first few stone has come off the next few are slightly more hard work but they do come off gradually. 

Usually after 5 stone has come off I stop. The weight from then on in just doesn’t want to budge. It’s like I have hit a brick wall with absolutely no way of getting around it. 

I have hit that brick wall many times before. I have tried everything to get through but that wall always seems to stay intact. The longest I have ever been there is 6 months and then I give up and ended up turning around and going back again usually putting on more weight than I ever have before. 

This time though is different I have been standing at that wall now for over a year and however hard I try I still can’t break through. 

Since my half marathon and the holidays I have been on over the summer the weight has been gradually creeping back on again – not much but enough for me to notice. I have stayed healthy with my eating but I have had a slightly more relaxed attitude. I think my portion sizes have been getting bigger and some treats were creeping back in too. 

It has got me to a point where I am standing at that wall and wondering what now. 

I feel I can’t go down this journey and gradually put the weight back on again. I have come too far.  There is only one option and that is to try harder.  It means going to the beginning again. You may be thinking that I have done that before and you would be right. 

Last time though I was doing it out of desperation. I had to because I couldn’t continue down the road I was going on. I think my determination came from my desperation to change. 

This time though I have gone back to the beginning without that desperation to change. I feel I have achieved all my goals other than getting to my ideal weight. I have so much more energy, I can go into a regular shop and there would be lots of clothes that would fit, I am eating healthier and lots more. 

Without that desperation to change I wasn’t sure if I could do it. In someways I prefer to start with the desperation because it drives you. Starting again now has been so much harder. 

I am now 10 days in my current detox and I am actually surprised with how well I have done. I have managed to lose 8 pounds in that time. I have felt a little hungry but not as much as I thought. I just hope the weight continues to fall. 


Year 2 week 16

16th – 22nd April 2017

This week has been a real struggle. I don’t know why, but I am struggling to get motivated to do anything. 

I always seem to find things harder when the kids are off school, I think it is because my routine changes. With the kids off school this Easter, I have forgotten appointments, struggled to eat healthy and I have found it hard to go out training for my half marathon. 

I have taken my training very seriously. I know if I don’t train there is no way I can do it. Even though I have struggled this week, I have still managed to go out running. 

One thing I have noticed lately is that I seem to have slowed up a lot, things that I found easy all of a sudden now seem hard, I also feel like when I am running I have a big heavy weight on my back slowing me down. 

I feel like I have led weights in my shoes too. I am managing to do the distances I want to achieve, but it seems to be taking so much more out of me than normal.

I am hoping that when the kids go back to school again next week I will start to find things a bit easier again. Until then I will have to continue struggling.

Day 332

Sunday 27th November 2016

Today my Dad and his wife Tracie came round for lunch, it meant I could give him a belated birthday present that I haven’t had the opportunity to do before now. 

My Dad turned 70 last month and one of the goals I set at the beginning of the year was to lose 70lbs for his birthday. I was very pleased I did it. I thought though that he needed a momento of what I did. 

I had arranged to get 70 pieces of granite cut, each weighing a pound. Once we got the granite we stuck them all together creating an ornament for his house. 

Once it was made it was so heavy I couldn’t even pick it up. 

It is the first time I actually realised how much I have lost. I couldn’t believe the weight of it. 

It was so heavy that I don’t know how I even got myself out of bed in the morning let alone walk about and carry it all day. I know what the weight of a pound is but carrying 70 altogether like that made me realise how much weight I actually lost. 

We wanted to have the granite in 1lb blocks so my Dad could see each pound. We layed it out in that way because over the year I have had so many emotional ups and downs. At one end the granite doesn’t touch the ground to show that the journey is continuing. 

So all in all that granite has an awful lot of meaning to it. I just hope I can keep it off and he doesn’t start giving pieces back. 

Day 216

Wednesday 3rd August 2016

Today was a very confusing day. It was the first day back on the scales since my holiday. 

The last time I recorded my weight I had got very frustrated as it kept going up. When I left for my holiday I was 16st 11.2lbs / 106.7 kg as the holiday went on I went up to 16st 12.2lbs / 107.1kg. 

Today I was very nervous about getting on the scales but when I did I had a shock. It said 16st 5.3lbs/ 104 kg. I thought ‘no way there is something up, I couldn’t possibly have lost 6lbs / 3kg while I was away.’

Today I went to see Jenny. On the way I thought about how my weight has not come off too easy lately and that every pound has been a struggle. 

The only way I can describe it is that I am hanging off the side of a bridge holding on as tight as I can, there is only so long that I can hang there. Eventually I will have to fall.

That is what I feel my weight has been doing.

When I saw Jenny I told her that I think something was up with my scales because I didn’t believe that I had lost that much weight while I was away. So I got on her scales. 

To my disappointment I was right – my scales were wrong. But it wasn’t all bad because on Jenny’s scales I had still lost over 2lbs. 

I thought about this and I may not have dropped off that bridge but I have let go and I am falling. 

So I left very happy knowing that I have been away again and still lost weight. 

I have since sorted out the scales and they are working properly now so I should have a true weight tomorrow.

Day 173

Tuesday 21st June 2016

I have always thought that every time you lose 10lbs you will drop a dress size. 

My weight has not really been going down much lately. Every time I have gone on a diet in the past there comes a point where I stop and I don’t lose anymore weight. I have tried and tried and tried but I can never seem get under 17 stone. 

As I am now at that weight I am finding that nothing has changed and I am again stuck.

In the past I have let this bother me, but this time I haven’t really noticed. I am finding  that even though the scales are not going down my dress size is. 

Last time I went shopping I was buying size 16 now they are to big again and I am fitting in size 14

I have always said that size 14 is a nice size to be. I can’t believe that I can start buying them.

I, however, think that this can’t be true, the clothes must be labelled up wrong. 

It’s funny, when I was bigger I saw myself smaller now that I am smaller I am seeing myself bigger. I can’t seem to make the connection that I am actually smaller. 

My stomach is still really big, and so are my arms, my double chin is going down but it is still there. So even though I have started to get into a size 14 I have a long way to go. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 13.6lbs.     ⬅️➡️.     61.4lbs⬇️total

Start weight 135.6 kg

107.8kg.            ⬅️➡️.      29kg⬇️total

Day 158

Monday 6th June 2016

I had a training session again with Jenny’s trainer. 

I got back on the exercise bike and I seemed to do it better than last time. He said I worked harder too. I always love it when I find out I have improved. 

We talked about the difference between muscle and fat and the fact that muscle weighs heavier but fat is bigger

He got me to lift a 25kg weight to show me how much weight I have lost. 

(Sorry about the picture it was just after my work out)

I know the weight looks small but believe me it was heavy. As fat is bigger it means it would have looked bigger than this weight!

I changed my day with Jenny this week and I went today instead of Wednesday. I went in the afternoon.  This was confirmation that I was not going to continue on my losing streak because I knew I hadn’t lost weight since last Wednesday. It was also the afternoon when I am always heavier. 

When I got on the scales, to my surprise, I was exactly the same weight. However, I had put on 4lbs of muscle and lost 2% of body fat. I was over the moon with this result. 

I have been on many different diets before where you get on the scales after a week of trying really hard and you don’t lose weight. Normally I would have wondered why and got myself upset and eaten something I shouldn’t. 

When I get weighed in with Jenny she can actually tell me why and it is so beneficial. She can also tell whether I have eaten healthily or not. 

So that’s no cheating for me!!!

Start weight 21st 5lbs

17st 3lbs.        ⬅️➡️.      58lbs⬇️total

Start weight 135.6 kg

109.3kg.              ⬅️➡️.     27.3kg⬇️total

Day 102

Monday 11th April 2016

I was told not to weigh myself for a few days after I got back from my holiday because you often weigh heavier when travelling. I don’t know why but I do think it’s true. However I couldn’t help myself and I had to get on those scales.

I felt I tried really hard on holiday.  I stuck to the diet most of the time. I was watching my family eat pastries, desserts and basically all that they wanted while I ate fruit and salad. 

I felt that I deserved to lose weight but if I stayed the same that would be OK too. Even though I was eating healthily I didn’t know what they were really putting in the food.

The last time I got on the scales was 25th March and my weight was 18st 4.8lbs today I got on I was 18st 3.5lbs. I feel really happy with myself to be able to go on holiday and actually lose weight!

18st 3.5lbs.     1.3lbs⬇️.     43.5lbs⬇️total

115.9kg.            0.6kg ⬇️.     20.6kg⬇️total