Year 2 week 45

5th- 11th October 2017

Every time I try to lose weight I always do really well at first. The first few stone has always been very easy – it’s probably because I always start a diet with about 7 stone or more to lose!

After the first few stone has come off the next few are slightly more hard work but they do come off gradually. 

Usually after 5 stone has come off I stop. The weight from then on in just doesn’t want to budge. It’s like I have hit a brick wall with absolutely no way of getting around it. 

I have hit that brick wall many times before. I have tried everything to get through but that wall always seems to stay intact. The longest I have ever been there is 6 months and then I give up and ended up turning around and going back again usually putting on more weight than I ever have before. 

This time though is different I have been standing at that wall now for over a year and however hard I try I still can’t break through. 

Since my half marathon and the holidays I have been on over the summer the weight has been gradually creeping back on again – not much but enough for me to notice. I have stayed healthy with my eating but I have had a slightly more relaxed attitude. I think my portion sizes have been getting bigger and some treats were creeping back in too. 

It has got me to a point where I am standing at that wall and wondering what now. 


I feel I can’t go down this journey and gradually put the weight back on again. I have come too far.  There is only one option and that is to try harder.  It means going to the beginning again. You may be thinking that I have done that before and you would be right. 

Last time though I was doing it out of desperation. I had to because I couldn’t continue down the road I was going on. I think my determination came from my desperation to change. 

This time though I have gone back to the beginning without that desperation to change. I feel I have achieved all my goals other than getting to my ideal weight. I have so much more energy, I can go into a regular shop and there would be lots of clothes that would fit, I am eating healthier and lots more. 

Without that desperation to change I wasn’t sure if I could do it. In someways I prefer to start with the desperation because it drives you. Starting again now has been so much harder. 

I am now 10 days in my current detox and I am actually surprised with how well I have done. I have managed to lose 8 pounds in that time. I have felt a little hungry but not as much as I thought. I just hope the weight continues to fall. 

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Year 2 week 38

17th – 23rd September 2017

Things have improved greatly – I have been able to sort out my eating and I have also managed to step up my exercise too. 

I have always thought I am quite an easy going person, I have been a person who gets on with everyone, I am not a person who would intentionally create an argument. Matt and I do argue but not really very often – it’s probably because I always let him believe he is right, when really we both know I am!

This week I had an appointment with a lady I never met before. I was recommended to go to her because she can analyse you and tell you about your health and the type of things you should be eating. 

After the brief examination she told me what she discovered. She asked me what I had for breakfast I said a green juice and some oats. She then went on to say that it sounds very healthy what I am eating but in fact it is not. She then says that I should be eating things like shepherds pie or curry for breakfast. I said I’m sorry but I’m not going to eat that for breakfast, it just seems wrong 

She said that there is someone in the family with a heart condition and I said no. Then she said TB – again I said no. She listed lots of ailments and after about 7 she got one where I agreed. 

She even told me that everything my nutritionist has told me is all wrong and I would never lose weight that way even though I had lost 5 and half stone with her. 

She carried on with her diagnosis and started to talk 3 times faster than a normal person, she was adding lots of jargon that I didn’t understand – you needed a PHD in biology to understand it. If she spoke French I think I would have understood her better! Because she spoke so fast I couldn’t get her to stop. 

After about 5 minutes and her telling me of all the things I couldn’t eat I burst into tears – I just couldn’t take it anymore. All I was hearing was I was doing it all wrong and my brain had information overload. 


You would think that because I was a little emotional she would have a little sympathy but no. I just asked her to slow it down and get rid of all the jargon. Her reply was “I am used to talking to intelligent adults and shouldn’t have to put it into baby talk!!!!”

I felt I stayed really calm even though I was emotional. She however couldn’t take it and was ready to kick me out. I don’t think she was used to people questioning her methods.

After an hour and a half of listening I said I’m sorry I don’t think I am going to do a lot of that advice because it seems to me that you have it backwards – eating your dinner at breakfast for one. 

When I left I thought about what just happened and realised I had paid for an hour and a half of constant abuse and some really bad advice.  If that was 2 years ago I would have taken everything she said to heart, not questioned a thing and been so much more emotional. 

This time when I left I just laughed and thought what a sad old lady. I talked to the person who recommended her and she said that she gave her the same advice, which to me proved it was rubbish. 

One thing positive I got out of it was that it made me realise that I know my own mind. All those questions of who I am were gone and I came out knowing myself better and being happy with the result!

Year 2 week 31

30th July – 5th August 2017

Now that I am back from my holiday and at home for a while, I thought I would take the opportunity to get myself back on track – back on track with organising healthy meals, organise my food intake, continue with my exercises and hopefully lose more weight. 

18 months ago, when I first met Jenny my nutritionist, she told me that at first the weight would come off very easy. Then I will get to a stage and it will stop. In that pause I was to maintain my weight and after a period of time has gone, to try again and see if I can lose anymore weight. 

That is exactly what has happened to me. In previous diets, that pause has been a frustration for me, it has been the part where I give up and turn back to my old habits. 

This time I am not as frustrated. It would have been nice to continuously lose weight but I haven’t. Instead of getting down about it I have just tried to continue and not really worry too much about what the scales say.

Now that I am back from my holiday I feel I can concentrate on it a bit more. I thought I would go back to basics and start from the beginning again. It meant I had to take a look at what I did all those months ago. 

Hindsight can be really good and useful but looking all the way back to the beginning, seeing what I went through, makes me wonder how I ever did it the first time. 


What I did back then was the hardest thing I have ever done. The pain and suffering I went through to change my eating habits was so immense that I don’t think I could do it again. 

My habits have changed so much and all that hunger, shakes, eating less, low energy levels, tears, eating food I didn’t like, cutting out food I did, pain and suffering were worth it. 

Looking back now, knowing how hard it was, makes it even harder for me to start again. So on this occasion hindsight isn’t good. 

However things are a little different and should possibly be easier as I am already eating less and I won’t have to eat food I don’t like anymore because I have grown to enjoy it. I will have to cut back on foods I have let creep back in and I will have to go hungry again. But it seems like nothing in comparison.

Because I’ve looked back it has made it difficult to start again, so I have decided to tweek things a little and do it slightly differently so I can’t see what’s coming.  Hopefully when I start seeing results again it will help me to continue 

Year 2 week 24

11th – 17th June 2017

The other day I was driving and Matt was in the passenger seat. We had just been shopping and Matt decided that he wanted to try on one of his new shirts. 

He found it quite a struggle putting it on in the car. Once he had got it on he thought that there was something wrong. He realised he was now totally entangled in the seat belt and he was trapped and couldn’t move. 

My first thought, was not to help him or pull over – it was to laugh hysterically.  The only trouble with this was that I laughed so hard that tears were filling my eyes and I couldn’t see. Which was not a good situation when driving. 

I eventually managed to control myself  fortunately without having an accident. Matt eventually managed to untangle himself without any help from me. 

I told him that I had actually done that before and I soon realised that changing while in the car is something you must never do.  It got me thinking about other things that you shouldn’t try and do as you will see below. 

This week has been quite a busy week for me. This week I have had 4 parties to go to.  I have always been a person who loves a good party, but 4 in one week can take its toll. 

3 of the parties have been black tie events 


It’s nice to dress up on occasions and have a good night out and I have to say I enjoyed them all. At this type of event you get to meet people you haven’t seen in a long time, it’s a good time to catch up, wear out your feet on the dance floor and eat good food. 

Last week I also decided to start a detox. Detoxing, I have learnt, is a really good thing to do. So this week I have also learnt that you shouldn’t do it with so many events coming up. 

The trouble with a black tie do is that it’s a set menu and you don’t get to choose what you can eat. The fact that I was detoxing meant that I was extra hungry by the time the food came. This meant that the detox went out the window.

I was also staying in a lot of nice hotels, which also meant a lot of nice food. It was like I was really trying to punish myself. The thing that crossed my mind was who in the world would ever start a detox with so many events coming up. 

I thought I would not be able to get back on the detox after. However I did and I actually lost a few pounds this week too.  But I wouldn’t recommend it – neither would I recommend changing shirts in a car with your seat belt on!

Day 82

Tuesday 22nd March 2016

It has been a very busy day, I have not had much time to think about food however it also meant I didn’t think about drinking water either.

With Easter looming, the kids are getting a lot of Easter eggs. We are away over Easter so I have said that the kids could have their eggs now.

 

I always thought that I was a chocoholic but I haven’t eaten chocolate this year at all yet. When I saw Jenny yesterday she says I can eat it as long as it contains 70% Cocoa.

It tasted ok – not as good as cadburys, but I think I could get used to it.

18st 7.7lbs.    ⬅️➡️.       39.3lbs⬇️total

Day 81

Monday 21st March 2016

When it comes to proteins I seem to always default to chicken, I have been told that I need to mix it up a bit. I can only have chicken, fish, eggs, seeds, nuts and pulses.

I have not really ever had pulses, I don’t even know what to do with them. I thought maybe a soup. Jennie made me one today.  She added lentils, chickpeas and a selection of vegetables.


I really wasn’t sure that I would like it, however it was really nice. I have been missing out all these years

18st 7.7lbs.    0.2 lbs⬆️.     39.3lbs⬇️total

Day 67

Monday 7th March 2016

I got up at 5am to pick up Matt from the airport. I had to take my breakfast with me because I knew I wouldn’t be back in time.

Every day I find myself having to make choices, do I stay on the right path or do I take a diversion, sometimes there are far too many temptations in the way. After a while the right choice becomes easier though.


So I choose the road to a healthier life. I just hope it lasts.

19st 1lb.    0.5lbs ⬆️.     32lbs⬇️total

 

Day 66

Sunday 6th March 2016.

I woke up to the scales being 2lbs down, it makes the pain and hunger over the last few days worth it.

Today is Mothers Day and it meant that I could have a treat meal, so I went to Frankie & Benny’s.

I loved my lunch of chicken salad and potatoes, potatoes are not on my daily allowance but I really did enjoy them. I did have a dessert but I couldn’t eat it, In fact I was rather disappointed. Which can only be a good thing, my taste buds are changing and I have gone off foods I used to like.

19st 0.5lbs.    2lbs⬇️.    32.5lbs⬇️total

Day 62

Wednesday 2nd March 2016

I know you shouldn’t get on the scales everyday, but I can’t help myself. I have hardly noticed whether my weight goes up or down over the last month, but today for some reason it did bother me. We have these smart scales that pairs with MyFitnessPal which means you don’t have to manually put in your weight. It also means you can’t cheat your weight, even though on this occasion I wanted too.

Went to see Jenny the nutritionist she said the reason I got upset was probably my hormones. She gave me another facial, this one was more relaxing.

It is hard keeping up a balanced diet all the time, especially when you are in a hurry.

I am doing OK, I am keeping up the diet fairly well, however  over the last week I have dropped the ball when it comes to my water intake. I really need to try harder.

I went for a walk with my mum today.

19st 4lbs.    0.8lbs⬆️.     29lbs⬇️total 😐

Day 61

Tuesday 1st March 2016

Went for a morning swim with a friend, the water was so cold that we had to swim extra fast just to warm up. We did swim 30 lengths though.

Did my sewing class, this always stops me from feeling hungry.


I made a lamb bolognese for the first time. It tasted lovely and instead of having it with pasta I had mange tout. I loved it, I might do that again.

19st 3.2lbs.      0.4lbs⬇️.       29.8lbs⬇️total