Year 2 week 51

17th – 23rd December 2017

Here I am with Christmas only days away and I am trying to relax and enjoy all the festivities.

Usually on the run up to Christmas I am running around like a headless chicken buying last minute presents, doing last minute preparations and getting very stressed. This year though, from way back in November, I decided that I couldn’t really be bothered.

We usually have a few parties at our house that we haven’t done this year. Partly because I couldn’t be bothered and partly because we have had work going on in our house for about a year and we are still in a mess.

I have been saying that I feel like I am a bit of a Scrooge this year. However, if I think about it, my can’t be bothered attitude has meant I had my Christmas shopping finished in November, it’s meant that when putting up the decorations they are so much better than previous years and I even made my own front door wreath.

It has meant I have been able to do more baking with the kids like making gingerbread men and other Christmas related treats. Christmas dinner for me is the best and there are only ever 2 people who can cook it – one is me and the other is my Mum! Eating out on Christmas Day is never an option. But this year we have decided to eat out. So now I find I am not half as stressed as I usually am and a lot more organised.

All I have to do now is wait for the big day and see the excitement on my kids faces as they come down in the morning with all the presents around the tree and their stockings filled with presents.

For me this year, even though it’s all enjoyable, I can’t seem to wait for it all to be over. All I can see happening over the next 2 weeks is all the big meals I’ll be eating, all those boxes of chocolates that always comes out every year and me not sure I have the willpower to resist.

I feel I am waiting for the 1st January when I can get back to normal and get more motivated but for now I am just going to enjoy Christmas.



Year 2 week 50

10th – 16th December 2017

Throughout the month of November I did really well with my eating. I did a month long detox. I thought it was time to take back control of my food intake. I feel I did really well.

My plan was to continue the detox throughout December as well. I have to say that hasn’t gone quite as well.

I am a person who loves Christmas and the fact I have kids I like to make it fun for them too. I now only have one child who believes in Santa and all the magic of Christmas. I am trying to preserve that for as long as I can even though I don’t think I will have that for many years more.

I also love the celebrations that Christmas brings. There are usually lots of parties and events to go to.

I love the fact that Christmas is a time to let your hair down and have some fun. It is a good time to catch up with people that you haven’t seen in a long time.

It’s also a time where all the naughty food comes out the cupboard and you can’t seem to resist eating it even though you are not hungry.

I have definitely fallen in that trap this year. It’s like I have never seen food before and have to sample everything on offer.

My detox in November was great but it’s had totally the opposite effect on me in the month of December.

I have decided I am going to enjoy my Christmas within reason. I am going to take a little bit of control over what I eat, but I am not going to beat myself up over having something I shouldn’t but all I do know is that I am back on it in January.

Day 360

Sunday 25th December 2016

Christmas Day

I woke up this morning and it looked like my kids had been good because there were presents everywhere. It looked like I had been on the good list this year too because I did very well when it came to presents. 

After I made dinner for 15 people I thought that today I would have a day off and eat anything I wanted. It was good not to think about a diet for one day. I found though that I still stuck to the rules other than I had mince pies. I love mince pies and today I had a few for the first time this season. 

Christmas is a time of celebration and this year I felt I deserved to celebrate. At Christmas the focus can be all about the tree, tinsel, presents, Santa and a fancy dinner. 

Sometimes the real meaning of Christmas can get lost that actually we are celebrating the birth of Jesus. 

I went to a carol service at our church last night and one thing that was said was “can you imagine a life without God?” 

Some of you might think you can because you don’t believe in God. However if there was no God there would be no Christmas. So can you imagine a life without Christmas!

A lot more people go to church around Christmas time and sing songs with words in it like “Christ a saviour is born”. I personally believe this and I like to think that when I celebrate Christmas I am celebrating my saviours birth. 

You see a lot of signs that say Xmas and the Christ is taken out usually because they don’t have room or can’t be bothered to write it properly, but in my view you can’t take Christ out of Christmas because without him it wouldn’t exist. 

If there was no God, for me that would mean there is no hope. No hope to succeed, no hope to overcome, no hope for tomorrow. Let’s face it, my year this year has relied on that hope for all those reasons. 

I hope you all have had a great Christmas and remember to always leave a little room for Christ. 

Day 353

Sunday 18th December 2016

Today is my forth Christmas event in 4 days. However today I can control what I eat better because it is at our house. 

Every year, always the Sunday before Christmas, we host an evening we call ‘A Very Dickens Christmas’. Everyone who wants to dresses up in Dickensian outfits and the whole evening is candle lit. 

We invite a lot of friends and people from church it’s like our end of year treat. I look forward to it all year.

Everyone who comes brings a dessert and drinks. The table is usually piled up with delicious cakes, biscuits and desserts. All I can say is it is Debbie heaven. 

However this year I didn’t go near it. In fact I couldn’t stand the smell of it, the whole room smelt sweet and it made me feel sick. It’s a Debbie heaven no more. 

Even though I didn’t eat it didn’t mean I didn’t have fun. In fact I had a great time. I think people think the best way to socialise is to eat together, however this year I have learnt I can still socialise and have a good time without eating. 

For the first year ever I have been in the party and I didn’t eat the desserts –  I feel very proud of myself and I’m perfectly happy. 

So who says you need to eat to have fun. 

Day 352

Saturday 17th December 2016

Over the last 3 days I have been out for a Christmas meal 3 times. I always knew that the Christmas period was going to be a struggle and I am being proved right. 

I have always loved going out celebrating with friends and family but when you are trying to watch what you eat it can be difficult. 

Two of the meals have been a set menu, which means I don’t get too much of a choice of what I can eat. 

I have tried to compensate a little by being extra good on my other meals of the day which has meant that when the time has come for my Christmas meal I am really hungry. 

It has also meant that over the last few days I have eaten things that are not on the list of foods I can eat. It’s mainly potatoes. 

I know it doesn’t sound like much but when I am failing for no fault of my own, it can be very annoying. 

All year I have been good, I have managed to lose weight on the holidays I have been on. I have managed to stay focused when the weight has not gone down at all. But if I survive Christmas without putting on weight it will be a miracle.

The last stone I have lost, every pound has been a real struggle and to think I might be putting some of it back on is not really sitting well with me. 

I am eating about a quarter of the amount of food that I ate last Christmas and I am still trying to be careful when I can. Maybe the fact I have noticed this will help me stay focused on my goal but it is really hard at the moment. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st lbs. ⬅️➡️. 75lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. . 34.8kg⬇️total

Day 340

Monday 5th December 2016

Christmas is always a very happy time of year in our house. The kids are already getting excited. For me, though, the run up to Christmas can be very stressful. 

At Christmas time there’s always seems so much more to do. First comes buying the gifts that every year seems to get harder knowing what to buy, then comes wrapping. 

Usually I would buy all the gifts and then wrap them all on the same day. Today I have started my wrapping which is a lot earlier than I would normally do it. 

It doesn’t mean however that I have all my Christmas shopping done. 

I like wrapping presents but when you have so many to wrap it can make it one of the worst jobs. I also did some more Christmas shopping today too. 

I have only ever been able to do one job at a time because I couldn’t think properly if I did buying and wrapping on the same day. I would get very tired very quickly. 

I haven’t realised before how being so overweight can affect your mind. I didn’t realise that it could limit your thoughts and ability to get things done. 

Up until now I just thought it limited my movement and my energy levels – I didn’t think it limited my mind to. I know it sounds stupid not being able to do more than one job in a day but that’s the reality of being excessively overweight I suppose.  

My mind now seems so much more active than it use to be and I can seem to contain a lot more information which means I can get more jobs done! 

It goes to show that that saying “active body active mind” is so true.

Day 335

Wednesday 30th November 2016

At the beginning of the year I wasn’t very determined at all to lose weight.  I thought I would give it a go though

After a few weeks my determination levels began to rise when the weight started to fall. 

It wasn’t long before my determination levels hit maximum. I have maintained that level for a long time. I feel I have been very determined and motivated to succeed even when things got tough. 

But lately I feel that those levels are dropping. 

Tomorrow I start my 12th month which I think is some going, but I have a feeling that this 12th month is going to be one of the hardest. 

With Christmas nearly here and all the food that will be around at parties and evenings out along with all the extra food that always comes out this time of year, I feel all this is really going to test my determination. 

There is one thing going for me and that is that this year I have got myself into some really good habits. I can’t seem to stand the smell of anything sweet anymore, I don’t really like the smell of anything milky either. I just hope that will mean I can resist and not succumb to temptation.

My desperation to lose weight has also reduced as the weight has dropped which has caused my determination levels to lower.

With the fact I am writing all this today means I am conscious of it which hopefully means that I won’t let that determination lower anymore but maybe send that needle back in the other direction. 

Day 329

Thursday 24th November 2016

It’s that time of year again when I need to start thinking about Christmas. Which means that I need to start doing my Christmas shopping.

I have always liked shopping but it’s so much easier shopping for yourself – at least I know I will like it!

But when it comes to shopping for other people, that’s a totally different ball game. It usually takes me 3 times as long and I get tired very quickly. 

There was one shop I noticed today and I made a comment to my Mum that I used to always shop in there. It was a plus size clothes shop. 

I then realised that not only did I always shop there, but earlier this year, as my weight started to come down, I struggled to stop shopping there. 

It was like my head was saying I still needed to be wearing plus size clothes, but my body didn’t fit them anymore. 

I have been a plus size most of my life. It was hard to change my thinking. I couldn’t believe that I could get into regular sized clothes. 

Today though, seeing that shop has made me think that I have stopped believing I need those clothes anymore. I have stopped thinking I am a plus size. 

I don’t know when the change came but I am glad because it has made me realise that I am becoming more ‘normal’ and I don’t see myself as being as large anymore.

Day 316

Friday 11th November 2016

On occasions I get to decorate a shop window in town. It a sewing shop that sells sewing machines, fabric, thread and anything sewing related. 

Today I have been working on a window display for Christmas.

I really enjoy doing the windows.  It takes me back to when I had my own hairdressing salon. I use to change them every couple of months. I really loved doing them, especially the Christmas windows. 

The windows took a bit of planning, organisation and some hard work but when the windows were finished I would stand back and take a good look and think the hard work and planning was worth it. I would get nice comments too from the passers by. 

That is totally what it has been like for me this year. I have had to plan and organise my meals which has taken a lot of hard work. I have then sometimes felt that I have put myself on display by writing this blog. 

Sometimes I do feel that I have put myself in a position of vulnerability. I didn’t plan it, I didn’t expect people to see my drawings and read my thoughts – it just kind of evolved. 

I have never been a person who wants the lime light, or be the centre of attention. In fact I have always shied away from it. 

I do feel though with the fact I have put myself out there, been vulnerable, put myself on display, it has helped me get over all my issues that I have been living with for many years. 

I think by just being open with your feelings rather than keeping them locked away is the key.