Year 4 month 8

August 2019

I have always loved the summer – the weather is warmer, the sun is more likely to shine, I am more relaxed and there is usually a holiday at some point in the month too.

The only thing I really struggle with is the lack of routine that seems to occur. It’s not knowing what happens from one day to the next.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t really mind not knowing what we are doing from one day to the next – it’s just when planning your diet it can be difficult.

This month I have been away a lot. I have had to pack over 4 times this month for holidays or time away. One was a nice holiday, a few were for a few days and one I went with 17 children to kids camp. I wasn’t the only adult looking after them. There were 4 others but, even so, that week was exhausting.

I have felt this month that I have been living out of my suitcase. Traveling from place to place dragging my cases behind me.

Normally I would come home feeling refreshed but I don’t feel that way at all. But I am glad that I am finally home mainly because now I can finally get back into some kind of routine and plan my meals better.

Year 3 week 29

16th – 22nd July 2018

I am now back from my 2 week holiday in Greece. I was going expecting to have a very relaxing time and spending some quality time with my family. It was however the total opposite of that.

The first 3 days were very relaxing but also very boring and lonely. The place we went to had a kids club and the boys very quickly made friends and took part in all the activities. There was also a cycling club there where Matt spent most of his time. So I was on my own a lot!!!

I soon realised that I would spend my whole holiday being totally bored if I didn’t join in. There were so many activities to join in with it was hard to choose so I tried a few. I did diving, windsurfing and sailing and I even got my level 1 certificate for sailing. I also had some personal training sessions.

All of these activities kept me very active. Since my operation on my arms to remove my saggy skin (which was 18 months ago) I have not done any upper body exercises. In fact I have been worried thinking I might damage something.

All of these activities have taken a whole lot of upper body strength. It has succeeded in removing any doubts that I can’t exercise my arms and I am actually coming home with bigger muscles than when I left.

With being overweight for so many years there are certain clothes I have always avoided because they are not very flattering and have a tendency of making me look bigger.

I have never really worn stripes especially if they go horizontal across my body. I have always looked awful in them. One thing I noticed on this trip is the amount of stripy clothes I have.

One day I was out and I noticed I was wearing a stripy dress with a stripy swimsuit underneath holding a stripy bag – I even had a stripy towel.

In fact I practically wore them the whole of the holiday. It must have looked like I had a stripe fetish or something. I know it’s a small thing but just the fact I subconsciously wore stripes and didn’t feel awful in them was quite a big thing for me.

Sometimes I think I am going backwards on this journey but this small thing has made me think I am still moving forward in some small way.

Year 3 week 28

8th – 15th July 2018

When I was a child I would very often sit in the car with my Mum and Sister. It was ether at Draycote Waters or Weymouth beach. We would sit there for hours while my Dad and Brother would go windsurfing.

When I got a bit older my Dad then taught me. I remember I loved it. Once he even took me away to Sardinia for a week of windsurfing. If I think of my favourite childhood memory of my Dad that holiday would be it. It was a real father-daughter bonding time.

The only bad thing was that we had to share a room and he snores. His bed was over the other side of the room and I could still hear him! Every night I grabbed a pile of socks and placed them by my bed. I would throw them at him every time he kept me awake. I always ran out!

On that holiday my windsurfing really progressed and I have to say that I even got quite good.

That was about 25 years ago. Since then I haven’t got on a board. It hasn’t even been a desire of mine to try it again.

When We recently arrived in Greece I noticed they do refresher windsurfing lessons and I thought I would sign up and see how I would get on. This shocked me more than it did Matt – I don’t know what possessed me to do it.

So this week I have had 2 lessons . I knew my biggest challenge would be getting on the board itself. My upper body strength is basically non existent and worse since I had my op. I have never been able to get on a boat even when it has a ladder.

To my surprise I got on the board several times. I not only got on, I also stood up and on a couple of occasions I was even sailing. I was in the water more than I was on the board though!

I definitely wasn’t as graceful as my drawing either. It should have been a drawing of me falling in rather than sailing with style but that would have been a boring drawing.

However I learnt something with these lessons. It took so much effort to get on the board, standup, get the sail up, make sure you are balanced correctly and then get in the right sailing position. You start to think if all that effort worth it. But then you have that brief moment (for me it really was very brief) when you are doing everything correct and you are actually sailing – that makes all that effort worth it.

Sometimes I look back and remember all the hard work I put in to lose weight and to be more active. These lessons and opportunity to windsurf again have made all that hard work worth it.

Year 3 week 27

2nd – 8th July 2018

This week has been a particularly busy week for me. All of my kids have broken up from school which means preparing for the summer.

My 2 oldest sons left midweek and flew to Australia with a lot of their cousins. They will be attending a conference in Sydney called Hillsong. They go from there to Mozambique for 6 weeks and are staying with a couple. They will be helping them with their missionary work. Hopefully it will be a life changing experience for them.

It has meant there has been a lot to organise regarding packing. The busy week I would have coped with ok if it wasn’t for having really bad hay fever – my nose hasn’t stopped running and my eyes have been constantly weeping all week. I have felt really tired too. I go out and when I come home I realise that my makeup has ran all over my face. I have turned into a blonde Alice Cooper.

Now though, we have taken the remaining 2 children and flown to Greece for our summer holiday.

All of a sudden my eyes have stopped weeping and my nose is no longer running – I am feeling so much better. Hay fever has so much to answer for. It stops you from doing so much. It makes you feel so lousy and there’s not much you can do to relieve the symptoms. Maybe going to Greece is my answer every year!

Year 2 week 45

5th- 11th October 2017

Every time I try to lose weight I always do really well at first. The first few stone has always been very easy – it’s probably because I always start a diet with about 7 stone or more to lose!

After the first few stone has come off the next few are slightly more hard work but they do come off gradually. 

Usually after 5 stone has come off I stop. The weight from then on in just doesn’t want to budge. It’s like I have hit a brick wall with absolutely no way of getting around it. 

I have hit that brick wall many times before. I have tried everything to get through but that wall always seems to stay intact. The longest I have ever been there is 6 months and then I give up and ended up turning around and going back again usually putting on more weight than I ever have before. 

This time though is different I have been standing at that wall now for over a year and however hard I try I still can’t break through. 

Since my half marathon and the holidays I have been on over the summer the weight has been gradually creeping back on again – not much but enough for me to notice. I have stayed healthy with my eating but I have had a slightly more relaxed attitude. I think my portion sizes have been getting bigger and some treats were creeping back in too. 

It has got me to a point where I am standing at that wall and wondering what now. 

I feel I can’t go down this journey and gradually put the weight back on again. I have come too far.  There is only one option and that is to try harder.  It means going to the beginning again. You may be thinking that I have done that before and you would be right. 

Last time though I was doing it out of desperation. I had to because I couldn’t continue down the road I was going on. I think my determination came from my desperation to change. 

This time though I have gone back to the beginning without that desperation to change. I feel I have achieved all my goals other than getting to my ideal weight. I have so much more energy, I can go into a regular shop and there would be lots of clothes that would fit, I am eating healthier and lots more. 

Without that desperation to change I wasn’t sure if I could do it. In someways I prefer to start with the desperation because it drives you. Starting again now has been so much harder. 

I am now 10 days in my current detox and I am actually surprised with how well I have done. I have managed to lose 8 pounds in that time. I have felt a little hungry but not as much as I thought. I just hope the weight continues to fall. 

Year 2 week 29

16th – 22nd July 2017

We have had a lovely 2 week holiday. We have been doing all the normal things you do on holiday. Like relaxing in the sun, exploring new places, swimming in the pool, eating in nice restaurants. 

Because we have had a normal holiday also means that the normal has happened. I have put on a few pounds. Normally when I go on holiday I put on loads of weight, I get used to eating more and when I come home I don’t change my habits back again. 

We went on holiday with a couple that we’ve become friends with this year. We met because she was doing a half marathon in Rwanda with me and her husband did the marathon. 

Three of my sons came too.  My youngest was wanting to do all these clapping games with us. You basically say a poem and clap out a routine with our hands. 

While we were doing this with my son, I remembered a time when I would do the same at school. It was all the craze in those days, you would sing a silly song and then clap out a routine with our hands. I spent so much time practicing at break time and any other opportunity I could get. I remember loving it. 

As I was telling Jake (my son) Michelle (my friend from Rwanda) commented that she did the same at school too. We thought we would try and remember it and teach Jake. 

To our surprise we remembered it really well. We remembered the words the routine and everything. Not only that, we could do it quite fast. It was like we only did it yesterday.

Jake thought it was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing at us. We then went on to teach him. He did eventually get it after practicing for the whole 2 weeks. 

It has got me thinking. I have had 18 months of really good eating habits, 18 months of making good choices – why should I let 2 weeks of bad eating habits drag me down. 

That clapping game came back to me after not doing it for over 30 years. I should be able to get back on the healthy eating after just a 2 week break!

Year 2 week 27

2nd – 8th July 2017

This time is a busy time of year for me. At the end of the school year there is always so much to do with sports days and presentations and I am usually packing for holiday too. 

This year is no different except that instead of packing for 6 people this year it’s like 8. It’s because my kids are going to so many different places over the summer. One of my sons has left on a school hockey and cricket tour in Sri Lanka for 2 weeks and he goes from there to India doing some missionary work for a month. Two of my other sons have come with us on holiday but as soon as we get home they go off to Serbia on mission hence so much packing.

With so much to do means that I lose focus on my goal of losing weight. My eating habits are not as bad as they were 18 months ago but I feel that on occasions I do let things slip a little though. 

I still have that problem of looking in the mirror and seeing me the same way I always have. I sometimes struggle to think I have changed at all. These struggles are things that I face all the time and they can be very disheartening. It actually makes me feel a bit of a fraud – like I have been lying about my progress over the past 18 months. Then when I lose a little focus the feeling is worse. 

When I feel like that I just think of where I have come from. 18 months ago I didn’t have the energy to keep going all day. I was over 5 stone heavier and I definitely couldn’t have ever ran a half marathon. 

Sometimes though I get reminders in the little things like the fact that I can go shopping and buy clothes in a much smaller size than I use too, I try clothes on they are more likely to be too big than too tight, that I can get off the sofa in seconds and without pain rather than it taking me over 5 minutes. 

The latest thing that reminds me is the fact after I have a shower and I only need one towel to wrap around me rather than 2!

It is one thing that I have noticed lately. I get slightly overwhelmed every time I wrap a towel around me and I can tie it. I half expect that I still need 2! It also means I can use the second towel to dry my hair. 

These little things help to remind me that I am not a fraud. I have done better than what the mirror translates in my mind and even though I get set backs it helps me to move forward.

Day 307

Wednesday 2nd November 2016

Last night Matt and I hoped on a plane and went to Portugal. We are going for a few days leaving the kids at home. 

My Dad now lives in Portugal and the last time a saw him was May. I have changed a lot since then and my Dad seemed to notice the difference which was encouraging. 

What was weird though was that before I left I had to get out all of my summer clothes. It was strange packing summer clothes when it is cold outside. 

I packed the clothes I liked and put them in my case. However this morning when getting dressed some of the clothes were too big. I put a t shirt on that is now a great big dress. 

A few other items are big too, even my swimming costume. It doesn’t seem that long ago since I was wearing them in the summer. 

Before I left home I was noticing that things were fitting better. So yesterday morning I got back on the scales. I am still heavier than I was before I went to Devon but for some reason it didn’t seem to bother me. 

I don’t know if it’s because I have got out of the habit of weighing myself and now I just don’t care anymore or because my clothes are feeling looser again. 

I hope it’s the latter because, if it is because I don’t care anymore, that could lead me back in the wrong direction and I can’t have that. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st   07lbs.   0.9lbs⬆️.  . 74.1lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.9kg.     0.4⬆️.      34.5kg⬇️total

Day 213

Sunday 31st July 2016

As I sit at a restaurant and order my last meal of the holiday I am looking through the menu and realise that I don’t seem to have as much trouble in knowing what to order like I did at the beginning of the holiday. It’s amazing what you can learn in a few weeks. 

I have found this holiday that I have had salad twice a day. I think it’s because that’s all I felt I could eat. It’s worked out that I have had about 40 salads in almost 3 weeks. 

It wasn’t however as bad as it sounds. Some days I was very happy to order salad, sometimes I really didn’t want to but I was glad I did once I got it. I have to say I haven’t had one bad salad throughout the holiday.

What I have enjoyed is all the different flavours. Sometimes I was eating food that I didn’t even know what it was. That is totally out of character for me. I usually never eat food that I don’t know. I don’t know why, it’s just how I have always been. 

One day I had this salad that had sundried tomatoes in I have eaten tomatoes before I am trying to get to like them but I am struggling. So my first thought was ‘oh not tomatoes again.’ 

I plucked up the courage and tried one. They tasted so much different to tomatoes which surprised me. I thought they tasted really sweet and I think they are going to be added to my salads from now on.

This holiday has been hard with my food choices but it has been very rewarding. I am going home with a whole load more flavours that I can add to my meals.

No weigh in

Day 203

Thursday 21st  July 2016

Whilst on this holiday I feel that I have done ok with my eating. There is always room for improvement though. I feel that even though I am eating healthy I will not lose much weight because I have done absolutely no exercise. 

I was planning to swim lengths of the pool. This pool you swim 2 strokes and you are at the other end. I would need to do a thousand lengths to make it beneficial. 

Jenny told me before I left for my holiday that if I walk, cycle, swim or do any kind of activity  I am not to class it as exercise but movement. Which means that I can’t eat extra food for doing some activities. 

I have had one day that I walked 15000 steps, and I have been cycling. Our villa is on a hill and the nearest village is 3 miles away. We cycled down to the village and I don’t think I had to turn the peddles round once. I could really pick up speed all the way down. I loved it.  That to me is what cycling is all about! However I have learnt that what goes up must come down         and vice versa. 

3 miles cycling solely  up hill is a killer especially in a 35 degree heat. I felt like everything around me was melting 

I had to stop for a drink a few times but I am very happy that I did it. I wasn’t sure I could do it as it was a lot steeper than I have done before. The heat got to me a little but I didn’t overheat like I normally do. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 10.8lbs. ⬅️➡️ 64.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

106.5kg. ⬅️➡️. 30kg⬇️total