Year 3 week 26

25th June – 1st July 2018

This week I have been trying to cut down on my food intake. When I set myself this challenge I knew it was going to be hard. All I kept thinking about was how hard it was for me last time in January 2016.

Back then I ate so little food. The food I did eat was protein, fruit and vegetables and very little of anything else. I remember I went from eating junk constantly to eating really healthy with a 5 hour break in-between each meal. I remember it was quite a major shock to my system. So much so that I was fit for nothing.

I spent most of my time in bed without the energy to get up. If I did get up I was so shaky. The hunger pains were so intense that I am sure they could hear the rumbles next door.

My life back then consisted of eating very little and sleeping a lot – I couldn’t physically do anything else.

Remembering what I went through then is very off putting now. Last time I did that out of desperation to lose weight and have more energy to keep up with the kids. However I have definitely got the energy to keep up with the kids now. I know I still have a lot of weight to lose but that desperation has gone.

I have this week though managed to cut down considerably. I don’t know how I have managed to do it because I thought my willpower was non existent. I have been eating mainly protein, fruit and veg and I haven’t found it as hard as I thought.

I have felt a little weak at times and on the very odd occasion shaky. It has however been nothing like it was before. I have even managed to exercise a few times this week too.

There has been one drawback though and that is I haven’t lost any weight at all – I just don’t get it. I know I am thinner though because I can feel it. It’s a good job I no longer concentrate on the scales!

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Year 2 week 45

5th- 11th October 2017

Every time I try to lose weight I always do really well at first. The first few stone has always been very easy – it’s probably because I always start a diet with about 7 stone or more to lose!

After the first few stone has come off the next few are slightly more hard work but they do come off gradually. 

Usually after 5 stone has come off I stop. The weight from then on in just doesn’t want to budge. It’s like I have hit a brick wall with absolutely no way of getting around it. 

I have hit that brick wall many times before. I have tried everything to get through but that wall always seems to stay intact. The longest I have ever been there is 6 months and then I give up and ended up turning around and going back again usually putting on more weight than I ever have before. 

This time though is different I have been standing at that wall now for over a year and however hard I try I still can’t break through. 

Since my half marathon and the holidays I have been on over the summer the weight has been gradually creeping back on again – not much but enough for me to notice. I have stayed healthy with my eating but I have had a slightly more relaxed attitude. I think my portion sizes have been getting bigger and some treats were creeping back in too. 

It has got me to a point where I am standing at that wall and wondering what now. 


I feel I can’t go down this journey and gradually put the weight back on again. I have come too far.  There is only one option and that is to try harder.  It means going to the beginning again. You may be thinking that I have done that before and you would be right. 

Last time though I was doing it out of desperation. I had to because I couldn’t continue down the road I was going on. I think my determination came from my desperation to change. 

This time though I have gone back to the beginning without that desperation to change. I feel I have achieved all my goals other than getting to my ideal weight. I have so much more energy, I can go into a regular shop and there would be lots of clothes that would fit, I am eating healthier and lots more. 

Without that desperation to change I wasn’t sure if I could do it. In someways I prefer to start with the desperation because it drives you. Starting again now has been so much harder. 

I am now 10 days in my current detox and I am actually surprised with how well I have done. I have managed to lose 8 pounds in that time. I have felt a little hungry but not as much as I thought. I just hope the weight continues to fall. 

Year 2 week 31

30th July – 5th August 2017

Now that I am back from my holiday and at home for a while, I thought I would take the opportunity to get myself back on track – back on track with organising healthy meals, organise my food intake, continue with my exercises and hopefully lose more weight. 

18 months ago, when I first met Jenny my nutritionist, she told me that at first the weight would come off very easy. Then I will get to a stage and it will stop. In that pause I was to maintain my weight and after a period of time has gone, to try again and see if I can lose anymore weight. 

That is exactly what has happened to me. In previous diets, that pause has been a frustration for me, it has been the part where I give up and turn back to my old habits. 

This time I am not as frustrated. It would have been nice to continuously lose weight but I haven’t. Instead of getting down about it I have just tried to continue and not really worry too much about what the scales say.

Now that I am back from my holiday I feel I can concentrate on it a bit more. I thought I would go back to basics and start from the beginning again. It meant I had to take a look at what I did all those months ago. 

Hindsight can be really good and useful but looking all the way back to the beginning, seeing what I went through, makes me wonder how I ever did it the first time. 


What I did back then was the hardest thing I have ever done. The pain and suffering I went through to change my eating habits was so immense that I don’t think I could do it again. 

My habits have changed so much and all that hunger, shakes, eating less, low energy levels, tears, eating food I didn’t like, cutting out food I did, pain and suffering were worth it. 

Looking back now, knowing how hard it was, makes it even harder for me to start again. So on this occasion hindsight isn’t good. 

However things are a little different and should possibly be easier as I am already eating less and I won’t have to eat food I don’t like anymore because I have grown to enjoy it. I will have to cut back on foods I have let creep back in and I will have to go hungry again. But it seems like nothing in comparison.

Because I’ve looked back it has made it difficult to start again, so I have decided to tweek things a little and do it slightly differently so I can’t see what’s coming.  Hopefully when I start seeing results again it will help me to continue 

Year 2 week 24

11th – 17th June 2017

The other day I was driving and Matt was in the passenger seat. We had just been shopping and Matt decided that he wanted to try on one of his new shirts. 

He found it quite a struggle putting it on in the car. Once he had got it on he thought that there was something wrong. He realised he was now totally entangled in the seat belt and he was trapped and couldn’t move. 

My first thought, was not to help him or pull over – it was to laugh hysterically.  The only trouble with this was that I laughed so hard that tears were filling my eyes and I couldn’t see. Which was not a good situation when driving. 

I eventually managed to control myself  fortunately without having an accident. Matt eventually managed to untangle himself without any help from me. 

I told him that I had actually done that before and I soon realised that changing while in the car is something you must never do.  It got me thinking about other things that you shouldn’t try and do as you will see below. 

This week has been quite a busy week for me. This week I have had 4 parties to go to.  I have always been a person who loves a good party, but 4 in one week can take its toll. 

3 of the parties have been black tie events 


It’s nice to dress up on occasions and have a good night out and I have to say I enjoyed them all. At this type of event you get to meet people you haven’t seen in a long time, it’s a good time to catch up, wear out your feet on the dance floor and eat good food. 

Last week I also decided to start a detox. Detoxing, I have learnt, is a really good thing to do. So this week I have also learnt that you shouldn’t do it with so many events coming up. 

The trouble with a black tie do is that it’s a set menu and you don’t get to choose what you can eat. The fact that I was detoxing meant that I was extra hungry by the time the food came. This meant that the detox went out the window.

I was also staying in a lot of nice hotels, which also meant a lot of nice food. It was like I was really trying to punish myself. The thing that crossed my mind was who in the world would ever start a detox with so many events coming up. 

I thought I would not be able to get back on the detox after. However I did and I actually lost a few pounds this week too.  But I wouldn’t recommend it – neither would I recommend changing shirts in a car with your seat belt on!

Year 2 week 23

4th – 10th June

This week has been a much better week, I seem to have abolished my fears of last week and I have got my act together and done something about it. 

I had focused so much on my fear of going backwards that it didn’t give me much room to do something about it. 

This week I have been really focused on my food. I have tried to get it back under control. For me to get it under control has meant cutting out the carbs, eating healthy and going hungry. 

It has been a good reminder of what it was like for me a year ago. I have absolutely no idea how I did it for so long because this is really hard. Last year I got the shakes went through sugar withdrawals and I felt really hungry for a long time. Now all I am getting is the hunger but it’s a struggle.

I have tried to do some exercise too. I didn’t want to go so mad because of my energy levels and the lack of food. So I thought gentle exercise would be ok at this time. 

I have had a few appointments this week. So for my exercise I decided to walk to my appointments rather than take the car. 

Leaving the car is something I have never done. I take my car everywhere. Walking on my own is also something I have never done. For me to exercise I have always needed the motivation of someone being there with me. 

To be self motivated is a big step up for me. For me to feel that I can go out by myself and not rely on other people is great. I just hope I can continue it because it means I can go out for a run, walk at my own convenience rather than waiting for people to be available. I do find going with others is more fun but now I have the option. 

To you this may sound silly, people exercise on their own all the time. To me though it’s not. I have always wanted to be self motivated to do it alone but there was always something holding me back. It was usually the sofa, the TV or even my bed – they always seemed so much more appealing. 

When you have to meet someone it’s easier because I would never want to let them down so I would always turn up whether I wanted to or not. 

So I’m going to try and do things on my own a bit more now. 

Day 352

Saturday 17th December 2016

Over the last 3 days I have been out for a Christmas meal 3 times. I always knew that the Christmas period was going to be a struggle and I am being proved right. 

I have always loved going out celebrating with friends and family but when you are trying to watch what you eat it can be difficult. 


Two of the meals have been a set menu, which means I don’t get too much of a choice of what I can eat. 

I have tried to compensate a little by being extra good on my other meals of the day which has meant that when the time has come for my Christmas meal I am really hungry. 

It has also meant that over the last few days I have eaten things that are not on the list of foods I can eat. It’s mainly potatoes. 

I know it doesn’t sound like much but when I am failing for no fault of my own, it can be very annoying. 

All year I have been good, I have managed to lose weight on the holidays I have been on. I have managed to stay focused when the weight has not gone down at all. But if I survive Christmas without putting on weight it will be a miracle.

The last stone I have lost, every pound has been a real struggle and to think I might be putting some of it back on is not really sitting well with me. 

I am eating about a quarter of the amount of food that I ate last Christmas and I am still trying to be careful when I can. Maybe the fact I have noticed this will help me stay focused on my goal but it is really hard at the moment. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st lbs. ⬅️➡️. 75lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. . 34.8kg⬇️total

Day 344

Friday 9th December 2016

I find the run up to Christmas a very busy time, there is so much preparation that goes into just one day. 

A lot of it is waiting – waiting for parcels to arrive, waiting for food to be delivered. Waiting for it all to be over. 


When I am expecting a delivery there is nothing worse than waiting in all day for it to arrive and then half the time it either doesn’t come or it comes when you are out on the school run. So the waiting will have to happen all over again tomorrow. 

The thing about waiting for things is it can get very boring. Boredom is something that makes me feel really hungry. 

Usually I would go to my sewing room and do some work but because we are doing work on our house that room is out of action at the moment.

Even though I have got into some very good eating habits this year and I have got used to eating so much less than I used to, I still feel hungry when I am bored. 

I don’t know why this is – it’s probably because I have time to think about my hunger. Which makes me want to eat. At times like that I have always gone to the fridge 

This year I haven’t gone to the fridge once. It has helped though that I draw a picture everyday because that has kept my mind occupied on other things rather than food. 

My drawings though can’t continue forever. It will be impossible to keep up this pace – I am surprised that I have managed to do it for so long and one day soon they will stop. I just hope that means I won’t go back into my old habits again. 

Day 263

Monday 19th September 2016. 

Today is a new day and the fact that I got to my initial goal of 70lbs yesterday was perfect timing. 

I feel now that I can start again. My next big goal now is to lose 30lbs by new year.  So now is the time when I need to move onto the next chapter. 

I have been planning for a while to do another detox. I have always had it in my diary to start it today. That’s why it’s perfect timing. 

So I am back on day 1 all I can remember from the detox last time was that it was really hard, I was extremely hungry and I had a few major meltdowns. 

I am hoping I cope a lot better than last time. On phase 1 I have 3 meals a day and they can consist of either fruit for each meal, vegetables for each meal or potatoes for each meal. 

Last time I had fruit the first day and potatoes the 2nd. The potato day was the worst day ever – I don’t think I am going to eat potato wedges ever again. The fruit day wasn’t so bad though. 

So today I ate only fruit. I had apples for breakfast, mangos for lunch and melon for dinner. I have been alright – there were times when I got hunger pains and the feeling of being lightheaded.

All in all I have coped quite well. That was until it came to picking the kids up from school. I got the first 2 ok then one son was so late arriving which made me late for the next one. When I went to get him, he wasn’t there at all. Which sent me on a wild goose chase looking for him. I finally heard that he was getting a lift home sometime later. I really wasn’t best pleased. 

Today wasn’t the best day for the kids to try my patience. When you are hungry it doesn’t take much to send you off on one.  

I however have got through the day without giving into temptation. I think a lot of relaxation is required though for the rest of the day.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 5lbs.      ⬅️➡️.   . 70lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

103.9kg.        ⬅️➡️.      32.6kg⬇️total

Day 230

Wednesday  17th August 2016

The last few days have been really busy. I did the 23 mile bike ride and then we went to Chester for a few days where I did a lot of walking. 

This morning I woke up and I was so tired I felt like I have been living life in the fast lane with no fuel in the tanks.


I loved my 23 mile bike ride. I felt like I really accomplished something. I was even more happy that I didn’t ache but have been quite tired since. 

Chester was nice too, all my walking was really walking around the shops and of course I loved that too. 

All this though has taken its toll and today I just wanted to rest but I didn’t. I spent the day tidying up, which, if you knew me, is totally out of character.  I am such an untidy person and I don’t tidy up unless I have to – especially in a room that no one sees like my bedroom. 

So today was very unusual because I tidied up when I didn’t need to and I did it when I was really tired. That’s a new one even for me. 

I have noticed too that I have been a lot more hungry than normal. I have just wanted to eat at times when I can’t. I still feel that I am quite motivated so I really don’t want to break the rules. I have still managed to go 5 hours without eating but the last few days has been hard. 

This is probably one of the reasons that I am tired lately because I am using my energy quicker than I can replace it. 

I hope this will correct itself soon before my motivation goes. It hasn’t solved my problem at the moment though because I am still really tired and hungry.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 8.4lbs.      ⬅️➡️.      66.6lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

105.4kg.         ⬅️➡️.       31.9kg⬇️total

Day 149

Saturday 28th May 2016

I am trying to stick to the 8 rules while I have been in London. It has been really difficult. 

For the first 2 nights there was a set menu. The food I ate was good for my diet but it did come out after 9pm which meant it was one rule broken. 

Last night we went to the theatre to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This meant that I would have had to break the 5 hour rule and eat before the show or eat after 9pm again. 

I decided to miss my dinner instead. I did have an apple in my bag so I ate that. Eventhough the show was great it was the worst one to see when you are hungry!

Jenny told me if you miss a meal you can’t make up for it the next meal. 

So when breakfast came this morning I ate my normal breakfast. All I wanted was more. 


I felt like I was in that scene in Oliver Twist when he asks for more. I, however, had Jenny in my head saying “more, you want more!” (Mr Bumbles reply to Oliver) So I was good and I didn’t give into temptation.  

No weigh in