February challenge is now over. So it’s now onto the March challenge.
March is going to be a very difficult month for me. I have so much on and very little time to think about any new challenge. I am finding though that theses challenges every month are really working for me.
I have actually really enjoyed them when they’re done. During the month I do find it tough completing them but there is definitely a sense of achievement once the month is over.
So January I swam over 2000 lengths (20 miles) of a swimming pool. February I ran/ walked over 50 miles. So I thought for March I would combine the 2.
I thought I would swim 1000 lengths and run/walk 30 miles. It may not sound like enough but I know I have about 8 days where I can’t do any exercise at all this month.
To add to the challenge I thought I would also really try and lose weight this month too. It has been months since I have lost any weight. For some reason it just doesn’t want to budge anymore no matter how hard I try. All I can do is try my best.
As my February challenge ended the March challenge has struggled to get started. All this week I have had one of my children off school sick. All have had coughs and colds and generally feeling really rotten. It has gradually gone around the house causing everyone to get it.
I feel like we have been in quarantine all week trying not to pass it any further
This has slowed down my exercise a little. Trying to exercise when you feel that rotten isn’t much fun at all. I have managed to progress a little though.
There is one consolation and that is I haven’t really fancied eating too much. Hopefully this means I might actually lose weight!!!
Sometimes I find it hard to remember how I use to be. I feel I have been going down this journey for so long now that I can’t believe how I was.
I do remember though that I let things get to me really easily – it didn’t seem to take much to tip me over the edge and for me to feel like I couldn’t cope. I think it must have been all that excess weight on my brain!!
To have a sudden change in my schedule or finding that I had extra things I had to do would cause me to have a mini meltdown and it usually resulted in Matt sorting me out.
Matt would on occasion have to go away on trips and that was always a particularly bad time emotionally for me and it would usually consist of me collapsing in a heap when he got back.
I have been wondering how I would cope now with all those things. Well this week it has really been put to the test.
Matt has been away this week leaving me with the kids at home. That always means I have to add a lot more to my schedule. I have been prepared for this one so I feel I have coped with it very well.
However this week I have had so many unexpected things fall on my lap, things that have also added to my schedule and giving me so much more to do.
It was also my birthday this week too so I got to go out a lot more.
So this week I don’t know if I am coming or going. I feel I have been pulled this way and then that way. My head is going through a whirlwind of emotions not knowing which way to go next.
If this was a couple of years ago I think I would have had a total meltdown by now.
This time though I have embraced it, got on with the job at hand and actually enjoyed the experience.
I have even managed to stay on schedule with my running/walking this month. I have now reached 31 miles only another 19 to go.
The only negative I am getting out of this is that I am a little more tired than normal but I can totally cope with that.
I always thought while going down this journey that losing weight would be so much harder than trying to maintain it.
I have to admit that I would still love to lose weight and I still have another 3-4 stone to lose. It has actually been a year since I have lost any weight and it has not been without trying.
I have been at this stage many times in my life but never for a year. Normally after losing so much weight I always plateau. I get to the stage of not being able to lose anymore weight and then after a few months it goes back on again. On a few occasions it has sent me into a depression which has made matters so much worse.
Here I am a year on and I am still in that place. I am still eating healthy 80% of the time the other 20% are the stages that I really find hard and I slip for a short while.
I am still exercising too, some weeks are good. Last year my normal distance was 5k this year it’s 7k sometimes I even go further.
This week though has been particularly bad. I meet a group of ladies once a week. We all run together. I have always felt that I do ok. I am not the fastest but I am not the slowest either.
This week though I was so tired that I almost didn’t go. I thought it would do me good so I did go. During the run I was lagging behind so much that I held everybody up.
It was like I had lost my whole ability to run at all. I was out of breath, my legs were aching so much and my energy levels disappeared so quickly. I just couldn’t keep up at all
I haven’t really ached much after a run for a long time – probably ever since I did my half marathon. This time though I seemed to ache for days.
On this occasion it had the total opposite effect on me that I would have thought.
Instead of me thinking I have lost all my ability and end up going down the route of all the bad 20% of my eating habits, it made me more determined instead. I looked at it as a blip and I was happier I went even though I was aching.
From a very early age I have always had a fascination with hair. I don’t know why but I was always amazed at all the amazing things you could do with it.
When I was little I would spend so much time in my Mum and Dads bedroom. They had this mirror where you could see the back of your hair. I would practice putting my hair up, I would perfect one style and then I would try another. I would stand there for hours just trying new styles.
I don’t know why I was so obsessed but it was definitely one of the reasons I trained to be a hairdresser. I then learnt how to cut, colour, and perm. I learnt all the techniques and I loved it just as much. Once I finished my training I went on to specialise in cutting hair and I also did a course on putting hair up.
I remember at the course the teacher was showing us techniques. At one time I remember saying that I prefer to do it differently because it’s easier and a better result. If I think back I always find it funny because it ended up with the pupil teaching the teacher.
It didn’t take me long before I started doing weddings. I remember I was 19 and I hadn’t finished my hairdressing training at the time. My first wedding was 11th August 1990, it was my brother who was getting married and I did my sister-in-laws hair. She had 4 bridesmaids – me, my sister, her sister and her 2 year old niece, Laura.
After that the weddings came flooding in. I must have done hundreds of weddings, thousands of peoples hair and millions of bobby pins have past through my fingers in my life time.
I have always found it a privilege to have been asked to be a part of someone’s special day. I have always loved it. It was always a challenge getting people finished in time but I have never made any bride late – well not yet anyway.
There was one time I had to do a bride and 12 bridesmaids for an 11.30 wedding. It was for my sister so I was one of those bridesmaids too. I even did my own hair for my wedding!
I always prepare the day before by putting the rollers in and have fun listening to the stories about the funny looks they got throughout the day. One wedding party went to a nightclub in the evening with their rollers in.
Always on the day before it’s like the bridal party don’t care what they look like because it’s all about the adventure on the run up.
On the big day I am very often up at the crack of dawn and working tirelessly until I finish. It has always been very tiring, but to me I am glad I can help to make someone’s big day special.
It would be nice though to go to a wedding when it hasn’t taken me 2 minutes to change, I don’t feel so tired and not be the last person to arrive at the church. Once I walked in late to the church, fell over down the aisle with everyone watching. I then stood up totally embarrassed and sat myself on a strangers lap to move out of sight. Obviously this caused lots of laughter.
This week I have been preparing for another wedding. It was for that little 2 year old bridesmaid I did on my first wedding 27 years ago. I thought what an opportune time to make it the last time I do one. Finishing with a person who was at my first!
Letting go of something I have done for so long is actually quite hard. I am for now saying it is my last one but I know if someone else asked me I would still probably say yes!
In some ways that is how I feel about the journey I have been on – I had been doing something a long time which I’ve now stopped – eating badly. But sometimes I think I am slipping back but I’m not going to let go eventhough it’s hard work. I have come too far to stop now.
Every morning when I wake up it’s still dark outside, the street lights are still on and it doesn’t look anything like morning.
I find it really hard getting out of bed when it’s so dark and cold outside. The kids still need to go to school and my day needs to get started so lying in bed isn’t really an option.
I don’t know what it is about this time of year but it can make you feel really tired and lethargic.
A few years ago I had a health check and one thing they said is that I am low in vitamin D which means I am not getting enough sun.
There is also a name for it, it’s called S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) – it too can make you feel tired and lethargic
With these shorter days it usually means that when I pick the kids up we are also driving home in the dark too. There can be days when it’s lovely and fresh and the sun comes out, but these are few and far between this time of year.
I have to admit that I do find these shorter days and longer nights slightly depressing.
When I feel like that, with me diets very often go right out the window. It’s a good job now that I don’t class myself as being on a diet anymore, it’s just my way of life now.
So even though I am feeling tired and lethargic at least my habits haven’t changed.
It must have been at least a month since I did one of my daily walks. The reason I haven’t done them recently is because I felt I needed to do something different.
I have been going to exercise classes and I have also upped the amount of training I do with my personal trainer.
For the last few weeks I have either had an exercise class to go to or a training session. There has been one every day of the week, sometimes 2 a day, only having a break at weekends.
Over the last few days I feel that I have worn myself out. I have put those trainers on one too many times and now I am exhausted.
I feel I need to do it to keep me motivated. I also still enjoy it which is good considering I am so tired.
Hopefully though I will quickly get used to the extra exercise because I am worried that the enjoyment will get replaced with exhaustion and I won’t want to do it anymore.
I feel I really need to keep to a routine of certain exercises a day just to spur me on. I have noticed while doing the exercises that I am achieving so much. Last year I would never have done any running, go on a bike, do half the exercises I am doing now. I just wouldn’t have had the energy
I am actually quite proud of my achievements this year. I now feel I can do these exercises which I wouldn’t have dared to try last year.
About 6 years ago we were on a family holiday to Canada. While we were there we went up the CN Tower in Toronto. I am ok with heights if I have something to hold onto.
When at the top of the CN Tower there was this floor made of glass and you could see all the way to the ground. I could not walk on the glass – it made me very nervous to look through it.
I held onto the edge so tight and walked with my feet as close to the edge as I could. All the people around thought I was funny. This one guy, who I had never met, got me and pushed me into the centre of the glass I screamed really loud and everybody else laughed.
I have that same nervous feeling if standing on the edge of a cliff.
I can’t stand too close to the edge because I am afraid I am going to fall over the edge.
This morning when I woke up I was really nervous and on edge. I felt like I was standing on the edge of that cliff.
The reason I was nervous today was because the GCSE results are in. My eldest son has worked really hard to get good marks and today we would finally see how well he had done.
He, however, was really calm – it was just me who was the nervous wreck. I really didn’t have to worry though because he did really well and got into the sixth form of his choice.
That nervous feeling can really mess things up for the day. It made me feel nauseous and sick which meant that I didn’t feel hungry at all but at the same time I felt that I wanted to eat.
I think in the past I would have eaten anything in sight. It was comfort eating anything to make me feel better and take my mind off the nerves. Today I had to sit and endure it.
After he got his results I had instant relief and then the tiredness kicked in. I was extremely tired then for the rest of the day. A lot more than normal.
Nerves can do so much to mess up your routine. It took a lot to stay focused today. I did but those nerves have a lot to answer for!
The last few days have been really busy. I did the 23 mile bike ride and then we went to Chester for a few days where I did a lot of walking.
This morning I woke up and I was so tired I felt like I have been living life in the fast lane with no fuel in the tanks.
I loved my 23 mile bike ride. I felt like I really accomplished something. I was even more happy that I didn’t ache but have been quite tired since.
Chester was nice too, all my walking was really walking around the shops and of course I loved that too.
All this though has taken its toll and today I just wanted to rest but I didn’t. I spent the day tidying up, which, if you knew me, is totally out of character. I am such an untidy person and I don’t tidy up unless I have to – especially in a room that no one sees like my bedroom.
So today was very unusual because I tidied up when I didn’t need to and I did it when I was really tired. That’s a new one even for me.
I have noticed too that I have been a lot more hungry than normal. I have just wanted to eat at times when I can’t. I still feel that I am quite motivated so I really don’t want to break the rules. I have still managed to go 5 hours without eating but the last few days has been hard.
This is probably one of the reasons that I am tired lately because I am using my energy quicker than I can replace it.
I hope this will correct itself soon before my motivation goes. It hasn’t solved my problem at the moment though because I am still really tired and hungry.
I have heard the saying “I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders” many times.
Today hasn’t been a bad day as everything has run smoothly. So why does it feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
When I feel like that usually I would sit and wollow in self pity. When you don’t feel yourself it is really hard thinking about healthy eating, diets and normality.
However, as I am drawing my feelings everyday and today I drew the world on my shoulders it got me thinking. WHY ?
Why do I feel like that ?
It could be because I am busier than normal, it could be because its exam season and I could be worried about the kids exams. It could be hay fever! It could also be because I am feeling a bit run down, it could be a whole number of things.
But I have come to the conclusion that really I don’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders – I am just tired and I need to go to bed.
I find things really difficult to cope with when I am tired so I have decided to take my own advice and go to bed.