Year 3 week 31

30th July – 5th August 2018

This week has ended up being quite unexpected and very manic.

We were camping at a Christian conference in the south of the country when I got a phone call to say that my Nan had died.

My Nan was 97 years old and she lived her life to the full. Over the last few years she had lived in a home as she had dementia.

In her life she got to see many generations. She had 3 kids, 5 grandchildren, 14 great grandchildren and 1 great great grandchild. If she had lived another month she might have even seen her 2nd great great grandchildren.

Family was my Nan’s whole life – she never really cared about anything more than family and her faith. She had witnessed so much in her life and seen so many changes. It’s certainly a different world she leaves than the one she entered.

But she also had the ability to change with it. There was an 87 year age gap between her and my youngest son, Jake, who is 10. The funniest thing I have seen is Jake teaching her how to use the iPad. It ended up with the pair of them in hysterics. That age gap was never a problem for either them.

My Nan was always there for me if I needed her. One thing I have realised now that she is gone is that when I was born I had 3 grandparents, 2 parents which meant I was a 3rd generation living.

Over the years generations have fallen in behind me but that 3rd position has never changed. My Nan was the only grandparent I have had for 30 years so with her now gone means that I have all of a sudden moved up the ladder and taken the 2nd place spot.

In someways I don’t feel ready for it. I don’t feel I really want that spot. It’s like all of a sudden I am following in someone else’s footsteps and I can’t possibly do it as much justice as the person who walked there before me.

I know this is the natural circle of life and moving up the generations happens to families all the time. But it’s a first for me. I feel I should be a lot more responsible now but I’m really not sure that is going to happen!

One thing I have also realised is that life is a gift and I shouldn’t be sitting here worrying how I am going follow in someone else’s footsteps but I need to start creating my own new fresh footprints and live life to the full – just like my Nan did.

Year 3 week 25

18th – 24th June 2018

This week has been very uninteresting really. Nothing amazing has happened, nothing is coming up in the near future I need to prepare for and there is nothing I really need to train for anymore either. In fact after my time away in Kenya I feel this week is a bit of an anticlimax.

I have spent all of this year and part of last year training to do that half marathon in Kenya. It has been what I have focused on for months and now I don’t need to do it anymore. In someways I am a bit sad but it also has its benefits.

One thing I have realised is how much I have neglected my kids in that time. It means I am spending more time with them and concentrating on their needs more which is definitely a bonus. The kids have been great and very understanding and incredible supportive throughout that time.

Another thing I have neglected is my nutrition. With all that exercise came extra eating to give me more energy to complete my challenges. Since increasing the exercise you would think I would lose weight but no, I haven’t lost any at all. In fact I have probably put it on rather than lose it.

So I have decided to use this time to concentrate on what I am eating. Over the last 2 half years I have learnt a lot especially about nutrition. I have learnt the best way to lose weight, what food does to your body, what kind of food I should and shouldn’t be eating and if I don’t remember any of it Jenny, my nutritionist, would soon remind me.

I feel now that I have all the tools I need and they are stacked neatly on the wall not being used. I might look at them from time to time debating whether to use them or not.

I am not in denial – I know if I started to use those tools that it wouldn’t be easy. However this week I have come to the realisation that there is no point having them if they are not going to be used. An unused tool is totally useless and has no benefit to anyone.

So I have decided that from tomorrow I am actually going to start using them. I have decided that for 2 weeks I am going to cut out artificial sugars and basically go back to the beginning again.

I know this is going to be really difficult for me but I feel, as I am confessing it, it will hopefully keep me accountable and in some ways make it easier.

So for once I actually have the right tools and I know how to use them. The challenge now is whether I can use them efficiently.

Year 3 Week 20

14th – 20th May 2018

It really isn’t long now until I go to Kenya. It’s hard to believe that a month from now it will all be over and I will be looking for something else to focus on.

For months now my main focus has been training for this half marathon. I know it will be the second time of doing it but the training is still important.

I think the fact that I know I have done it before makes me believe that I can do it again. Last year that was one of my biggest fears – not knowing if I could do it or not.

I have been training now for over 6 months and some months I have been training almost everyday. Since January I have set myself goals that have been going very well. Infact they have been going so much better than I expected.

That is until this month. For May I have set the goal to up my mileage every week and by the end of the month hopefully I would have reached 10 or 11 miles.

Last week I managed to reach 9 miles which I was extremely happy about. However afterwards I was ill. My neck was burning and swelling up I got incredibly tired and I put on 5lbs over night. I generally felt really rotten and my emotions were all over the place. So I booked an appointment with my doctor. He suspects that I might have a thyroid disease which he can only prove with further blood tests. He also said it’s brought on by stress.

Fortunately, this week I went to see Jenny and a month ago I had a DNA health test with her and this week my results had arrived. I told her my issues and she said the way I was feeling made sense. This stress the doctors said though is not mental stress – it’s physical stress.

She said that the Thyroid contains something called T3 and T4. One keeps you going helping you do the things you need to do and the other helps to heal repair and level out things afterwards. She said the one to repair is not working which is why I instantly put on weight and why my emotions are going haywire and why I am generally tired all the time.

She also said that what I have been doing is basically sticking a plaster on a stab wound.

I have had a thyroid issue for years and I have always kept up on test checking that all is ok. My main focus throughout my training though has all been about strengthening my legs and sorting out any little ailments I may have, which I feel I have done.

What Jenny said has totally made me think and I realised that has been exactly what I have been doing – I have been putting that plaster over a stab wound. I have been too busy trying to make sure my legs can get me across that finish line that I forgot to look deeper to see what the real problem was.

It isn’t all bad news though as there is something that can be done about it apparently. I have done another 9 miles since and I was a little better than before. So it means that I can still go to Kenya. But I am actually starting to doubt whether I can complete the challenge. Whatever happens, I will keep trying.

Year 2 week 44

29th October- 4th November 2017

One thing I have really struggled this year with has been motivation.

I think it’s because I achieved one of my main goals this year. One of my goals was to have enough energy to keep up with my kids. My kids are typical kids and have heaps of energy. 

Before I started this journey I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without being out of breath. 16 months later I did a half marathon! 

For me doing that half marathon in Rwanda was so amazing. It was something that I never thought I could ever do. I was so overwhelmed at the time that I did it. That to me that was my ultimate goal. I felt that there was nothing I could do any better than that. I felt that I had climbed the highest mountain and actually reached the top. 

Since then it has been hard staying motivated. The trouble with reaching your goal is that there is nothing left to aim for. Once you reach that point and you get to the top of your mountain there is only one place left to go and that’s DOWN. 

Sometimes to go down can be fun. It means that there are no restrictions on your life. It’s like I can do anything and get away with it. However you do end up with a feeling of guilt that you have let things slip so bad. 

The getting away with it can only last so long. With falling there comes a point where you hit the ground. Hitting rock bottom can be very painful and usually at that point it’s very hard to see a way out of it. 

I feel that since Rwanda that is what I have been doing – FALLING. In my mind though I didn’t want to fall I feel I protected myself from the impact – it’s like I put on my parachute so when I hit the ground it wasn’t so painful. 

This month I have set myself new goals.  I have hit the ground now but I have decided to turn around and start climbing that mountain again. 

I have decided that for the month of November I am going to concentrate on my eating again. I have already had a carb free 4 days and lost a few pounds too. I would like to continue my healthy eating throughout this month and hopefully it will give me the boost I need to continue after. 

I have also signed up for another half marathon – this time in Kenya. It’s in June of next year. I will be raising money again for the charity Compassion UK.

I think for me the fact I am doing it again isn’t quite as significant as before. What it does do though is help me to keep active, gives me something to focus on and I get to help some needy children in Africa in the process. 

I came back from doing my last half marathon thinking I would never do one again. My fitness levels have depleted so much that I feel I have signed up without the ability to succeed. Knowing this is coming hopefully will get me motivated to train.

After June next year, when I’ve completed my second half marathon, I’m hoping that I won’t fall like I did this year. Well that’s what I’m aiming for. 
 

 https://challenges.compassionuk.org/profile/500/debbie-wattis

Year 2 week 30

23rd- 29th July 2017

I have always loved the summer, it’s usually warmer, it’s a time to go on holiday, it’s time to relax and wind down. 

Since I have been going down this weight loss journey, and I am now half way through my second summer, I find that the summer is also the hardest. 

Summertime is when all routine is gone. I am a person who likes routine. Routine means you know what is coming and you can prepare for it.

In the summer it’s always been see where the day takes me, no particular plans. Trying to lose weight with no routine is the hardest. It’s like I can’t concentrate on my goals, I am totally lacking in focus. 

This week I have spent a few days at a conference called Focus. I was hoping, because of the name, it might help me with my focus. 

One thing that was said was “don’t think that God is invisible – his fingerprints are all over your life” 

One thing I have noticed over the past 18 months is how much help God has actually given me. How even through the hard times he has been right there by my side. 

Here I am going through another hard time. Finding it hard to stay focused on my ultimate goal. One thing, though, that I am forgetting is that God is there beside me leaving his fingerprints. I just forgot to look for them. 

Year 2 week 27

2nd – 8th July 2017

This time is a busy time of year for me. At the end of the school year there is always so much to do with sports days and presentations and I am usually packing for holiday too. 

This year is no different except that instead of packing for 6 people this year it’s like 8. It’s because my kids are going to so many different places over the summer. One of my sons has left on a school hockey and cricket tour in Sri Lanka for 2 weeks and he goes from there to India doing some missionary work for a month. Two of my other sons have come with us on holiday but as soon as we get home they go off to Serbia on mission hence so much packing.

With so much to do means that I lose focus on my goal of losing weight. My eating habits are not as bad as they were 18 months ago but I feel that on occasions I do let things slip a little though. 

I still have that problem of looking in the mirror and seeing me the same way I always have. I sometimes struggle to think I have changed at all. These struggles are things that I face all the time and they can be very disheartening. It actually makes me feel a bit of a fraud – like I have been lying about my progress over the past 18 months. Then when I lose a little focus the feeling is worse. 

When I feel like that I just think of where I have come from. 18 months ago I didn’t have the energy to keep going all day. I was over 5 stone heavier and I definitely couldn’t have ever ran a half marathon. 

Sometimes though I get reminders in the little things like the fact that I can go shopping and buy clothes in a much smaller size than I use too, I try clothes on they are more likely to be too big than too tight, that I can get off the sofa in seconds and without pain rather than it taking me over 5 minutes. 

The latest thing that reminds me is the fact after I have a shower and I only need one towel to wrap around me rather than 2!

It is one thing that I have noticed lately. I get slightly overwhelmed every time I wrap a towel around me and I can tie it. I half expect that I still need 2! It also means I can use the second towel to dry my hair. 

These little things help to remind me that I am not a fraud. I have done better than what the mirror translates in my mind and even though I get set backs it helps me to move forward.

Year 2 week 21

21st – 27th May 2017

Last week was such an amazing week, with lots of fun and laughter. My time in Rwanda was so busy and was spent meeting new people, going to new places and of course completing my challenge of running a half marathon. 

Since coming home it has been a bit of a come down from last week. It’s been a bit of an anticlimax. I thought I would enjoy the rest and catch up on some sleep. I thought I would enjoy getting back to normal. But I have to say, now, I find that going back to my old routine is totally boring. 

I never found it boring before I went. I think it’s because, now that I have accomplished my goal of running a half marathon, I find that I need a new focus – something to keep me going down the same path. I just need to keep moving forward one step at a time. 

While in Rwanda the food was mainly things like rice, pasta and potatoes – all things that I shouldn’t eat to much of. They even provided spaghetti bolognese for breakfast!!!

Since coming home I have been trying to cut down on the amount of carbs and eat more salads and fruit. I am finding this extremely difficult. I found it easier to do a half marathon than cut back on my food intake! If anyone offered me an apple or a biscuit at the moment I think I would choose the biscuit.

Since coming back from Rwanda I am even finding it hard to exercise. I went for a 5k run and I was so tired when I got back that it made me wonder how I ever did a half marathon at all.

So I think I need a new focus to aim for because staying on that right path is hard and challenging at the moment. All I know is that I can’t go back – I need to keep moving forward. I just have to!!!

Day 146

Wednesday 25th May 2016

Still feeling very tired and run down today. 

When you feel like that it is very hard to stay focused on healthy eating. Over the last few days I have lapsed a little I have eaten fish fingers and they are not on my food list. 

I have just classed it as a blip and not a failure. A failure is when you give up and I am definitely not doing that. 

I am at present on my way to London for a few days. Which is even more reason why I need to stay focused

I am very aware that when you are away you can very easily eat the wrong food especially with me not feeling so good at the moment. 

I did manage to see Jenny this morning and she is a really good encourager and motivator. She helped me see that I can stay focused. 

When people believe in you it makes you think that you can do it.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

17st 4.5lbs.      0.5lbs⬆️.     56.5lbs⬇️total

Start weight 135.6 kg

110kg.               0.2kg⬆️.    26.6kg⬇️total