Day 305

Monday 31st October 2016

I used to get told the saying as a kid that “sticks and stones may break my bones but names would never hurt me”. However I think that saying is completely untrue. 

I found it very easy to believe it when people called me stupid, an idiot, a loser – anything that was meant to hurt my fillings usually did.

If I think about it now, a broken bone would have been a lot less painful because some of the names I have been called in the past I have carried them around and believed them for years – longer than it takes a bone to heal. 

I don’t know why but when I am given a complement I find it so much harder to believe. I think we are conditioned to believe the bad stuff and ignore the good. 

I have decided that I need to turn this situation around and start believing and accepting the complements and rejecting the insults. 

However I am the worlds worst at throwing insults – mine are normally done in jest and it’s something we laugh at but, even so, I think I need to start changing and stop doing it anymore. 

Afterwards I have thought about it and feel guilty hoping that the person hasn’t taken offence. I do find I end up spending most of my time apologising. I don’t always think before I speak that’s my problem! 

I think the words that come out of our mouths are really powerful. We can do so much harm with what we say, we can also do so much good too. 

From now on I plan on speaking good. But I think my jesting will be a really hard habit to break.

No weigh in


Day 304

Sunday 30th October 2016

This morning we had an extra hour in bed because it’s that time of year again when the clocks go back. 

I have always loved it when you get an extra hour of the day.

All I wanted to do was use it wisely and catch up on some sleep. But no, I woke up early instead because by the time the morning came around I had forgotten and I didn’t change the clock by my bed. 

I then woke Matt up saying he was going to be late – his response was it’s only ten past six in the morning! It then dawned on me about the extra hour. I was then really annoyed with myself because I totally wasted that extra hour. Matt wasn’t too happy either.

I may have wasted that hour but one thing I am really glad about is the fact I haven’t wasted the year. 

In previous years if I think back to any accomplishments I have done in that year I wouldn’t have said I had achieved very much. 

I find that time goes by so quickly that you could blink and miss it half the time. That is how I have been in previous years. I do have some memorable moments but nothing I could say that I really accomplished anything in. 

This year, though, I am happy I haven’t wasted my time. I am doing things that I will remember forever, I have done a whole lifestyle change and learnt so much along the way. I have overcome so many emotional battles that I have lived with for years and I have lost weight in the process. 

So I may have wasted that hour but at least I am not wasting my year!

No weigh in

Day 303

Saturday 29th October 2016

I haven’t been for a walk around our block for a month or so because I have been doing so many other exercises instead. 

Today we got up and decided to go for a walk. While walking I noticed all the autumn leaves on the ground. 

I love all the colours of autumn I think it’s a very nice season. While reflecting on autumn I realised that the first walk I did this year was in the winter. 

Which means I have now continued with this lifestyle change through all four seasons. Changing seasons is something we naturally go through in life. We can’t help it, seasons change whether we want them to or not. 

This year though I have found that I have changed with every season. I was once a seed that turned into a bud that eventually did bloom.  In this season I am maturing and starting to accept all the physical and emotional changes that have happened to me this year. 

There is a danger with this season though – you could quite easily start preparing for hibernation. I know that’s exactly what appears to have happened with my weight loss at the moment but I have to be conscious that I don’t do the same. 

The last thing I want to do is slip back into bad habits. I don’t want to hibernate for a season and wake up back at square one, I have come too far to do that. 

So even though I am happy I am getting to my fourth season and that I have actually lasted that long. I still think I need to be really careful. 

No weigh in

Day 302

Friday 28th October 2016

This morning I woke up at what felt like the crack of dawn when in reality it was later than I normally get up on a week day. 

I was, however, the first up in the house for a change. I was up early because I had a training session first thing. 

There was something nice about being up before everyone else, the house is peaceful and it gave me a bit of time to reflect on the day. 

I have been quite fed up and frustrated lately but having time with myself this morning has made me think it’s a new day – I could sit and wallow in self pity or I could start afresh. 

I have decided to start afresh. Forget all that has past and just focus on where I am heading. 

I don’t know how long it will take me to get there but it’s good to have a goal and have something to aim for even if it seems impossible sometimes to achieve it.

Doing my training this morning has also helped me to start afresh because it seemed to cheer me up. It must have been just what I needed today. 

No weigh in

Day 301

Thursday 27th October 

We came back from a lovely few days away in Devon. 

I find when I go away now that often I come back feeling a little ill. I find that the change in food doesn’t always agree with me anymore. Eating out doesn’t help much either. 

When eating out I try to be good and order food I am allowed to eat, but really I don’t know how it’s been cooked. This small change can not agree with me sometimes. 

I also have a few more little treats than normal when on holiday. When it comes to treats I do still stick to the rules but it is more than I normally get. 

Today I happened to get on the scales and even though it wasn’t first thing in the morning it still said I was 3 lbs heavier than before I left.

I couldn’t see how I had put on so much in 3 days. I was so frustrated that I told Jenny.  She told me to not worry and keep moving forward. 

It reminded me of a quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

I am definitely crawling at the moment, I am still moving forward slowly and painfully as I go though. Collecting a few war wounds along the way. 

I have decided not to get on the scales for a few days so that I can lower my frustration and to maybe keep me moving forward with a few less war wounds 

Day 300

Wednesday 26th October 2016

Today we have one of those days that never happens unexpectedly. The boys have loved the surfing so much that they have decided to go for the whole day. Which means today it’s just me and Matt. 

Before this year we wouldn’t really spend too much time alone together. The boys have very much been the priority. This year though we have been going on quite a lot of walks. 

Matt has helped me a lot this year, he has given me support when I needed it, he has turned down work because he wants to help me through this. He has been there to hold my hand every step of the way. 

Without Matt’s support I would never have done so well. 

I find though, as time goes by and I am getting more into good habits, while Matt still gives his support I am not necessarily taking it. 

I have started to wonder if that is not a good idea because at the minute I am struggling to stay motivated. I try but I think if I took Matt’s help I might cope a lot better because a problem shared is a problem halved they say. And that’s what husbands are for after all!

No weigh in

Day 299

Tuesday 25th October 2016

While we are away my boys have decided that they want to learn to surf. We are staying not far from a popular surfing town in Devon so we go to the nearest shop and book them a few lessons. 

I have spent the last few afternoons watching them surf. 

They would paddle out to the waves and wait for a good wave to surf on. Sometimes they would get totally wiped out, sometimes they would have to wait for a long time, they might even have the opportunity but miss it completely. 

A lot of hard work goes into them catching the perfect wave. They would need to do a lot of paddling, they would also need to be in the perfect position and, even then, there is no guarantee that they will actually catch it. In fact 9 times out of 10 it would end up with a spectacular wipeout and they would need to start all over again. 

Then it happens – they are in the perfect position and along comes the perfect wave and they time it beautifully and they stand up and ride that wave. For them all that effort had been worth it just for that one moment. 

That is how it has been for me this year. I have put in a lot of hard work just to lose weight. I have had to wade my way through the struggles of watching people eat any food they wanted while I was being good. Sometimes I even had to wait and persevere while the scales just didn’t move. 

But when it happens I have placed myself in the perfect position and the scales go down again and for me in that moment all my effort has been worth it. 

I have been really frustrated lately with the lack of movement on the scales. I have found it really hard to stay motivated especially because I am away and seeing a lot of nice food about. 

Little reminders like this have helped me to stay on track and all I thought I was doing was watching the boys surf. 

No weigh in

Day 298

Monday 24th October 2016

First night in the caravan. The last time we were all in the caravan together the kids were so much smaller, which makes it feel very cramped now.  The only person who has got smaller is me!

I have never really enjoyed sleeping in the caravan because the bed is so small.

My feet touch one end and my head touches the other. I don’t think people of 5’9″ can really be completely comfortable. 

The thing is the bed is not very wide either. I have always in the past felt like I have been hanging off the side. I also have to lie straight because there isn’t enough room to bend your legs up and I end up waking up with a bad back and still tired from a sleepless night.

Last night though I had the best sleep I have ever had in the caravan. I am not hanging off the side anymore I could even bend my legs to the side with room to spare which meant my height wasn’t a problem 

So really I have come to the conclusion today, that it’s wasn’t the bed that wasn’t wide enough but it was just me that was too wide. 

No weigh in

Day 297

Sunday 23rd October 2016

So we are off on our little holiday to the coast. We are driving towing the caravan behind. 

It has been a least 4 years since our last caravan holiday. It is usually a great time away for the family. Living in a small confined space means we have to talk to each other. I have always loved caravan holidays because it’s great family time. 

One thing I have noticed is when pulling a caravan it puts quite a lot of strain on the car. You can feel it working overtime to pull it. We have a very good car for towing but I could still feel the car working harder. 

That is how it has been for me for years.  Instead of pulling the extra weight I was carrying it but it was still a big strain on my body. I think the fact that my body has worked overtime for many years there would have come a time where it couldn’t have coped with the strain anymore. 

The fact that this year I have made a huge lifestyle change and lost lots of weight has reduced the amount of strain I am putting on my body. 

I am also aware that I am still quite a long way off my goal. So my body is still working harder than it should but it’s definitely an improvement on last year.

No weigh in

Day 296

Saturday 22nd October 2016

Yesterday the kids broke up for the half term holidays so we have decided to take them away for a few days which meant that I woke up this morning in a panic with a great big long list of jobs I had to do. 

Usually when packing to go away I have to do a lot to make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. I would be running around the house like a headless chicken.  It would also take me all day to do and I would get very tired in the process. 

One thing I noticed today though is that by lunch time all the jobs were done and I didn’t get as tired either.

It must be because I am 5 half stone lighter! It means I am getting through jobs an awful lot quicker and I have saved time in doing so. 

It has meant that I could catch up on other jobs that I was going to do when I got back. 

It has made me realise that I do things now at a lot faster pace. I didn’t really notice that I was slow before but I think you work to a pace you can handle and now I can obviously handle a lot more than I could before. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

15st 13.8lbs. ⬅️➡️. 75.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. 34.9kg⬇️total