Year 2 week 25

18th – 24th June 2017

This week has been a very slow week,  It has been frustratingly slow. The reason it has been like that is because I couldn’t get out much and I couldn’t exercise at all. 

We are having work done in our house at the minute and everywhere you turn there is some kind of building equipment around the place. I can’t get things without moving something out of the way first. 

One day I needed to get my shoes out of the cupboard but blocking the way was 15 sheets of plaster board.  I needed my shoes so I tried to struggle and get them out, while doing so everything slipped and the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor with the plaster boards on top of me. 

I never really knew how heavy plaster board was. Apparently each one weighs 25 kilos that means I had 375 kilos of weight fall on me and I was lying there in my house with no one around to ask to help. 

 Eventually I managed to get myself out from under it. I don’t know how I didn’t break a bone.  However I did come out with many bruises, lots of swelling especially on my right leg and I think I ended up a lot worse than the plaster board. 

Because of that I have spent most of the week with my leg elevated which has meant that I couldn’t really do much except get very bored.

Boredom usually makes me eat. But despite this set back my eating has been pretty good considering.

Before I started this weight loss journey my energy levels were fairly nonexistent and I would limp and I would never plan to go out for the day – it would just be too tiring. 

One thing that has been on my bucket list for years was to go to Royal Ascot.  It’s a place I didn’t think I would ever go to because of the amount of time you are on your feet. This year was my chance. I was looking forward to dressing up, wearing a fancy hat and maybe even have a flutter. 

I did manage to go but I felt like I was back to the old me – limping everywhere and struggling to get around. Despite the pain I had a really nice day and I enjoyed it immensely. 

One thing it did was make me glad I am not like that anymore.  These struggles are temporary because I will soon heal.  It has also made me think how did I live like that before for so long! 

It has made me realise that I am so much happier now, even though I have bruised and swollen legs and temporarily walk with a limp.


Year 2 week 24

11th – 17th June 2017

The other day I was driving and Matt was in the passenger seat. We had just been shopping and Matt decided that he wanted to try on one of his new shirts. 

He found it quite a struggle putting it on in the car. Once he had got it on he thought that there was something wrong. He realised he was now totally entangled in the seat belt and he was trapped and couldn’t move. 

My first thought, was not to help him or pull over – it was to laugh hysterically.  The only trouble with this was that I laughed so hard that tears were filling my eyes and I couldn’t see. Which was not a good situation when driving. 

I eventually managed to control myself  fortunately without having an accident. Matt eventually managed to untangle himself without any help from me. 

I told him that I had actually done that before and I soon realised that changing while in the car is something you must never do.  It got me thinking about other things that you shouldn’t try and do as you will see below. 

This week has been quite a busy week for me. This week I have had 4 parties to go to.  I have always been a person who loves a good party, but 4 in one week can take its toll. 

3 of the parties have been black tie events 

It’s nice to dress up on occasions and have a good night out and I have to say I enjoyed them all. At this type of event you get to meet people you haven’t seen in a long time, it’s a good time to catch up, wear out your feet on the dance floor and eat good food. 

Last week I also decided to start a detox. Detoxing, I have learnt, is a really good thing to do. So this week I have also learnt that you shouldn’t do it with so many events coming up. 

The trouble with a black tie do is that it’s a set menu and you don’t get to choose what you can eat. The fact that I was detoxing meant that I was extra hungry by the time the food came. This meant that the detox went out the window.

I was also staying in a lot of nice hotels, which also meant a lot of nice food. It was like I was really trying to punish myself. The thing that crossed my mind was who in the world would ever start a detox with so many events coming up. 

I thought I would not be able to get back on the detox after. However I did and I actually lost a few pounds this week too.  But I wouldn’t recommend it – neither would I recommend changing shirts in a car with your seat belt on!

Year 2 week 23

4th – 10th June

This week has been a much better week, I seem to have abolished my fears of last week and I have got my act together and done something about it. 

I had focused so much on my fear of going backwards that it didn’t give me much room to do something about it. 

This week I have been really focused on my food. I have tried to get it back under control. For me to get it under control has meant cutting out the carbs, eating healthy and going hungry. 

It has been a good reminder of what it was like for me a year ago. I have absolutely no idea how I did it for so long because this is really hard. Last year I got the shakes went through sugar withdrawals and I felt really hungry for a long time. Now all I am getting is the hunger but it’s a struggle.

I have tried to do some exercise too. I didn’t want to go so mad because of my energy levels and the lack of food. So I thought gentle exercise would be ok at this time. 

I have had a few appointments this week. So for my exercise I decided to walk to my appointments rather than take the car. 

Leaving the car is something I have never done. I take my car everywhere. Walking on my own is also something I have never done. For me to exercise I have always needed the motivation of someone being there with me. 

To be self motivated is a big step up for me. For me to feel that I can go out by myself and not rely on other people is great. I just hope I can continue it because it means I can go out for a run, walk at my own convenience rather than waiting for people to be available. I do find going with others is more fun but now I have the option. 

To you this may sound silly, people exercise on their own all the time. To me though it’s not. I have always wanted to be self motivated to do it alone but there was always something holding me back. It was usually the sofa, the TV or even my bed – they always seemed so much more appealing. 

When you have to meet someone it’s easier because I would never want to let them down so I would always turn up whether I wanted to or not. 

So I’m going to try and do things on my own a bit more now. 

Year 2 week 22

28th May- 3rd June 2017

I always knew that my trip to Rwanda was the end of one thing and the beginning of something else. I just didn’t really know what. 

However I don’t know why I had that feeling because, as far my weight loss goes, I still have a very long way to go until I get to my goal. 

If I think about it I haven’t really started anything new and as far as the diet is going I feel like I have taken about 100 steps backwards. 

I have never been a fearful person.  I’m not afraid to fly, I am not afraid to go on roller coasters or things like that. If I am afraid of anything it would probably be the fear of failing, the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of looking stupid, a fear of going backwards. So in past I wouldn’t do much because of that. 

Before I went to Rwanda one thing that almost stopped me from signing up was the fear of failing. I have to say that fear continued up until the day I left. I was so worried that I wasn’t going to cross that finish line, that I hadn’t trained enough, that I totally underestimated my ability. 

While in Rwanda on the day before the run I was sitting on a bus and I put my headphones on. I was happy listening away when a song came on that really affected me. I was sitting there with tears running down my checks. It was a song that I had heard many times before but it never affected me like that before. 

The line that affected me the most went,”I’m no longer a slave to fear, but I am a child of God”. Knowing what I was about to do I found that this song really helped. 

By subconsciously taking off those shackles I had a sense of freedom and excitement while doing my half marathon. I felt like a weight had been lifted. 

But since coming home I have come to realise that I have put those shackles back on again.  This time though it’s a fear of going backwards. I don’t know what it is about fear, but I find that sometimes by fearing it I am helping it to happen. And I feel that is exactly what is happening with me. 

Since feeling this way I have heard that song a few times and it has had the same emotional effect on me. 

Over the last few days I have been to a women’s conference with 8,000 people there. On the last day they played that song. I couldn’t believe it. I had already drawn my picture too. It was so much more than a coincidence – it was like God was trying to tell me something. It was like that song was played just for me.

After the preacher talked about the fact that sometimes we need to begin again. It’s not always an easy thing to do. I thought at the time it doesn’t apply to me because it’s something I have already done 16 months ago. But then I got to thinking that I already knew since coming back from Rwanda that it was the start of something new. So why was I denying it? 

For me to begin again is to go back 16 months and start it all over again. That in itself can be really scary because this time I know exactly what I am getting into. All those days of being hungry, all those days of watching people eat nice food and me craving to eat it too. I need to get an awful lot of will power back again as well. 

So I have decided I am going to take off those shackles and embrace the journey I have ahead of me. After all I have done it before I CAN do it again and it can’t be as hard as last time!