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Thank You
Thank you for following my journey so far.
As fans of my life in pictures blog over the years, I would love you to join me and the other followers into my community, where I share my inspirations and reflections of life in personal drawings and blogs.
As my life continues the drawings and blog posts are created from positive mental health moments and inspirations that constantly surround me.
My intention is to influence you to see them as I do, to inspire you to look at life with a happier and healthier perspective.
Please subscribe to my email list if you want to continue this journey with me and to follow me as I embrace the upgrade to my online home – CLICK HERE
The website shares my journey from the beginning with right back to the original drawings and my book – my year in pictures. The blog is kept up to date and shop is where you can buy prints, cards and jigsaws of my favourite most colourful drawings.
Bolts and Locks
This year has just been bonkers! It’s like the whole world has been turned upside down and people are feeling emotional, under pressure and particularly, people are feeling very isolated.
Isolation is a place that I am very familiar with. I was closed off to the world, preferring to live in my own head rather than letting the world in.
Over the last four years, I have worked really hard to not be in that place again. And here we are in 2020 and I am forced to be in that place of isolation.
To be able to give hugs, to see my friends, have people over & to go out without restrictions seems to be a thing of the past. And it is the thing I am finding hardest to cope with.
It feels that when we see people now, we have all these worry thoughts in our minds because of the restrictions in place, and without choice, our doors have these imaginary bolts and locks on.
One thing I have always loved is having visitors round my house and being hospitable and welcoming but I feel I have these imaginary bolts on my door too, keeping people out. But this is the last thing I want to do.
Isolation for me in the past was mainly mental isolation. I was surrounded by people but my mind was a prison. But now I find that even though I am in this year of physical isolation, it hasn’t affected my mental state at all, in fact, I think it has improved.
Five years ago, it would have sent me into depression. Now, I feel I have been very positive. I have had a good outlook on things. If I hadn’t have had that year of discovering myself in 2016 I don’t think I would have coped mentally with 2020.
Before 2016 I thought there was absolutely no way out of the way I was feeling, no way out of those mental health issues I had. I felt that actually there was no hope for me. But there was! And I overcame it by asking for help, admitting I had a problem and confessing to my emotions every day. If you are feeling like I was, I want to encourage you that there is hope. There is a chance to change.
Little things matter
Worry is something we all go through from time to time. It’s a natural part of life. And people show their worry in different ways.
For me, when I worry I get all consumed on how to try and fix it, without knowing how to fix it. It usually puts me in a dark place. However, since going on this journey, I try to only think about things I can actually control.
When things are out of my control, I have learned that there is no point worrying about it because there’s nothing I can do to change the situation. Except for me, I pray and hand it to God. That is my comfort.
During this time of lockdown it has been a very worrying time for all of us. Perhaps we have been worried about our physical health, mental health, family, our job, our finances, going food shopping and what the future is going to look like. However, these are all worries out of our control.
So I have tried not to let these worries affect me. I don’t watch too much news about it or look much on social media. I try and avoid googling things that might cause me concern.
I have found though that I have been worrying more about the little things I can do something about, for one example it’s my hair!!
My hair has always been something I look after (I used to be a hairdresser) and I have regular trims and highlights to keep my hair in good shape. However, with hairdressers not being allowed to work, I have been worried slightly about my hair, mainly on how big my roots were going to get. It is kind of ironic that with everything going on in the world, I am worrying about my hair.
I found after 8 weeks that mentally I was suffering. Matt offered to buy me anything to cheer me up but I realised that doing something about my hair, was the lift I needed. So between myself and Matt, we hatched a plan to try and do it ourselves! And actually Matt did a great job!
I felt that the fact I had a bit of control over this small thing made all the difference. It seemed like everything that’s going on in the world was made more bearable.
We all have different coping mechanisms which may seem trivial to others but mean a lot to you. It’s handling the little things that make the big difference. You just have to find your little thing.
The Junk Drawer
This time in lockdown is the perfect opportunity to de-clutter and spend time sorting things in and around the house.
It’s time to clean up the garden, tidy the house and sort out those drawers you never want to clear out.
Drawers that for years you have been putting all the little bits of junk in that are lying around the house but don’t want to throw away.
Now is the time when it can be sorted, there are no excuses that we don’t have time to do it at the moment.
However, I have not sorted any of my junk drawers or cleaned out any of my cupboards at this time.
During this time though, I have been very aware that my mental state could quite easily slip back into the place where I have spent the last 5 years journeying myself away from.
I have come to realise that being totally honest with my feelings is one of the keys to my mental freedom. So, now, more than ever, I am trying to process everything I feel in order to keep my mental health in check.
I find that isolation is not necessarily a good place to be in for your mind. And yet, isolation is exactly the place we are all in right now.
One thing I have found to be helpful has been social media; things like listening to inspirational podcasts and watching thought-provoking speakers online.
There is one lady who I have been listening to. She does a 10 minute talk on Instagram everyday. Her name is Charlotte Gambill.
One of her talks was about clearing out your junk drawers; your junk drawers of emotion and sorting out those things you have probably been holding on to for years but you don’t want to throw away. And how now is the perfect time to do this.
So even though I haven’t physically been sorting out the junk drawers of my house, I have been using this time to sort out the junk drawers of my mind, and throwing away things that have been in there for a while.
I have found it’s been quite a good use of my time.
Looking for the light
Being an artist means that very often my first thought is where does the light come from in my painting? Where the light comes in determines where the shadows will go. On every painting, without exception, there’s always light and dark. The darker the shadow, the more depth it creates making the light shine brighter. You cannot paint a picture without this contrast of light and dark.
In the film the Lion King, you’re probably familiar with the bit where Simba asks his father Mufasa how big is the Kingdom. He gets Simba to look in the distance and tells him that everywhere the light hits is his Kingdom.
The journey of life consists of a lot of dark days and a lot of light days. Some days seem dominated by the darkness. Since going down this journey of self-discovery, the light days have overcome the dark days. But when the dark days do come, I try to reclaim the light for my life, remembering the positive things, and not focusing on the negative. (This is easier said than done!)
I have come to see that the dark has value even though I don’t like it at the time. Working through those dark times helps me grow and without I would never appreciate the good days.
The Feather Weight
Ever since I started this journey, I wouldn’t have succeeded unless there were certain people I was accountable to.
Matt is the obvious one, Jen my nutritionist, I have a few friends who I confide in and then I have Emiko. She is a lady who gives me advice and helps me through my difficult situations.
I feel to have people you are accountable to is a vital part of life and without, I would not grow. That is if you are totally honest with them and confess the truth, however painful or difficult it is. I have learned throughout this journey that telling them half- truths is not helpful. It’s self-deception.
One day I was talking to my friend Emiko and I told her something that was niggling at me. I was still struggling with my relationship with food I suppose. We all have battles to fight in life and this one is still mine. I said how my mind was telling me, ‘I had to eat it, I had to it eat, I had to eat it!’ And it wouldn’t let up unless I had. Then it would say, ‘you need another one, you need another one, you need another one!’ And these voices just kept going round and round my head and I was struggling to get rid of them.
Then Emiko told me something really enlightening. She said it’s like a weight you have on your shoulder you can’t get rid of. Imagine changing that weight to a feather. Visualise it. And then take the power out of it by making it as light as a feather. Just brush it away. It comes and then it goes.
I have to say I found it really worked. And when I was struggling, I did manage to just brush that weight off my shoulder.
I can’t say however, that it works every time! Sometimes the weight still stays a weight and I succumb to the temptation. But it is a step closer to me getting rid of those niggles completely.
Emiko aka lifestyle lady:
Year 4 month 12
December 2019
So here we are at the end of another year. For me it has been a particularly hard year. My emotions have gone up and down like a yo-yo. A lot has happened this year. There have been so many health issues that my family have had to face that have been very difficult at times – not to mention my own issues when I found out that I had breast cancer.
There have also been some very good times too like the fact my book of year 1 got printed.
If I look back on the year I have been thinking what have I actually learnt? To me it feels like I have plodded through it just praying for certain situations to change. It’s only when I look back I realise that I have actually learnt something.
There is a saying ‘healthy body, healthy mind.’ I have learnt this year that actually it’s the opposite that is true. It should say ‘healthy mind, healthy body!’
I have found this year that anytime bad things happened in my life beyond my control (like my breast cancer), it totally messed with my mental health. It felt like I had a black cloud hovering over my head that I couldn’t get away from. It was so all consuming that I couldn’t think of anything else. Healthy eating and looking after myself were the very last things on my mind. I have to say my healthy eating went to pot.
However when things were going good, healthy eating and looking after myself was very high up on my list of priorities.
I have found that when you are happy what comes out is healthy thoughts.
But the opposite is also true – if I am not in a good place then unhealthy thoughts come out.
So I have decided that this year my New Year’s Resolution is to stay happy, to keep my mind healthy and allow good things to grow from that. Not sure how easy that will be though.
Year 4 month 11
November 2019
This month I was told a story. It was about a boy named James. When James was a teenager back in the 50s his Mum was having a clear out. She was throwing away things she just didn’t want any more.
James saw that his Mum had thrown away a coat and he asked her if he could have it. His Mum said “why it’s worthless, old, shabby, no good to anyone and no one would ever want to wear it.” James replied saying that he would like it anyway. So his Mum let him.
James then took the coat and cut it up into many different pieces and then went on to sewing it back together creating something entirely different with it. He made it into a puppet.
This puppet became the most well known puppet in the world. He became loved by many people around the world. He made many appearances on TV even being the lead in many different shows on TV. It’s still loved today over 60 years later. The creator of the puppet has since died but that puppet still lives on today
This puppet that a teenage boy created in his bedroom was Kermit the Frog. Created by James Henson (or Jim as he was formally called)
When I heard this story it really resonated with me. I know in the past that I have felt like that disguarded coat – worthless, shabby, no good for anything . I also know that I have even felt like that over the past few years while going on this journey.
If I put myself in the story I am that coat and God is the boy who rescued it. He saw it’s potential, he wasn’t listening to all the negative things that was being said about it, he loved it regardless. Then he shaped it and moulded it which led it to being loved by many.
I very often have to put my thoughts in-check making sure that anything negative doesn’t take over. I need to keep reminding myself that I am loved, I am valued, I have a lot to offer and do you know what? So do you!
Year 4 month 10
October 2019
This month I got to paint at a woman’s conference for a church that is not to far from where I live.
I have painted at this conference once before, but it didn’t stop me from being nervous about it. It was an all day event where I would be painting in front of a few hundred people.
I was given a theme and then I painted something that relates to that theme. Because I am a Christian and regularly attend church I feel the best way for me to know what to paint is to pray and ask God to give me an image with a message that relates to it.
This years theme was Fierce. I felt that to be fierce very often is to overcome your fears, taking a step out of the darkness and head towards your goal however scary that might be. To become like a lion.
I felt that day I actually painted how I felt. For me to paint with so many people watching is very scary. Even though I knew what I was going to paint there was still no guarantee it was going to be any good. To take that step opened me up to ridicule. It could have ended in total and utter failure. It could have made me look really stupid.
Those thoughts are what went through my mind before I started but in reality I loved my day. I felt I painted the picture God gave me and it spoke to so many people including myself. It totally related to the message of the day. I even sold it and gave the money to charity and got commissioned to paint another one where the money also went to charity. It gave me a real sense of achievement.
Overcoming your fears is totally scary beforehand but after you will be really glad you did it. The rewards are definitely worth it.
Debbie Wattis 