Day 351

Friday 16th December 2016

I think love is something everyone wants – love from your parents, love from your siblings, love from your spouse, love from your friends. I have to say I am no different. 

I do believe I have been very fortunate because I have a lot of people who love me. 

Growing up I never really had many boyfriends – if it came close I would shy away.  I heard a saying once that if you want someone to love you it starts by loving yourself. I have always struggled with that because I have never really loved myself.

Matt was my brothers friend and he worked for my Dad. I have to say it was not love at first sight, in fact I use to take the mickey out of him. 

For a short period he went to Africa to help build a radio station. While he was away my sister-in-law told me to write him a letter, which I did. It wasn’t a love letter or anything  like that. I didn’t even think of him in that way at all. 

However I think that letter made him think that I was nice. I don’t know how because I think it was full of insults. I think that because of that letter our love grew. 

It wasn’t long before we got married, however, I brought to the marriage a whole lot of baggage because I didn’t believe that he loved me. I couldn’t see how he could. It must have been because I never loved myself. 

We are about to celebrate Christmas, a time when we remember Jesus’ birth. God sent Jesus to earth, he sent him knowing that his only son was to die for us. I don’t think I could ever do that – send my son to die so that I might live. But God did. 

To me that is the greatest love. God loves us so much that he sent his son to die so that we might know him. How amazing is that?

By me not loving myself I feel that I am denying what God did for me. I am denying the greatest love ever known. 


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