Day 283

Sunday 9th October 2016

What is beautiful ? 

In magazines you often see that certain celebrities are said to be the most beautiful people in the world. You go to the beauty counter in a shop and try the beauty products and they say try it’s because it will make you beautiful. 

I personally can’t see that a lipstick, some nail varnish and your hair done up perfect can make you beautiful because after all it’s still you but in colour!

I think beauty these days is all judged on outward appearances. However, I think beauty comes from within. 

I had a friend and to look at she was normal like anyone else but there was something different about her – she was always happy and saw the positive side of people. There was this glow about her. The only way I can describe it is that the light of God shone out of her. I know you may think that is silly but that is how I saw her. 

She was my age but 10 years ago she died of cancer. She was ill for a long time and went through many painful treatments. She, however, kept that smile on her face, she kept that positive attitude and that light within her shone until the end. That to me is real beauty. So if I think of the most beautiful person she would come to my mind. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. 

I have never looked at myself and ever thought I was beautiful.  When I was younger I was told by another child at Sunday school once that “no one would ever love me not even God”.  I must have been about 12 years old at the time. It seemed to stick and I believed it – it’s so much easier to believe the bad things about yourself than the good. 

I have always been a person who would look in a mirror and say “yuk!” I have fallen into that trap of judging myself on outward appearances and not usually liked what I have seen. 

Matt tells me that I am beautiful all the time. We have been married for 20 years next month and after 20 years of him saying it you would think I would believe it.

The last few Sundays at church I felt that I need to start seeing myself as beautiful.  A friend even came up to me and told me that I need to do it too. However I think that this is one of the hardest challenges I have done yet. 

It is really easy for me to see good in others and see their beauty shine out, it is a whole different story if I am saying it about myself. Today though we sang a song at church and the chorus would repeat the words “you’re beautiful”. I really felt that I needed to sing “I’m beautiful” and as I did tears just filled my eyes. 

I do think changing the way I think of myself is still a work in progress but this is one huge hurdle I have got over today and I will probably need to keep doing it everyday. I feel the more I say it the more I will believe it. 

I have also learnt that I am not the only one to feel like this. There are many more people out there and if you are one of them say to yourself  “I’m beautiful” and then believe it because you are!

Start weight 21st 5lbs

15st 13.8lbs. ⬅️➡️. 75.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. 34.9kg⬇️total


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